A
male
age
36-40,
*ark0602
writes:I'm a 24 yr old male with a beautiful 25 year old girlfriend. I have been living with my girlfriend for 2 months now and we've been dating a total of 5 months. When we were dating and didnt have the title of girlfriend yet, she told me several times that she didnt want a relationship at this point in her life and she wanted to focus more on herself. She eventually told me she loved me and we moved in together rather quickly following the beginning of our relationship. The primary reason we moved in together was to reduce our rent since we sleep together every night. We also live with a good mutual friend of ours so we sorta justified the hastiness of our moving in together that way. So, last night everything seemed great until she told me that she isnt sure where our relationship is going and she referred back to how she wanted some time for herself and that maybe she doesnt want a relationship anymore. I feel that I may be smothering her because we hang out pretty much every single day, but she seems so happy when we are together and we usually have a lot of fun. However, now I am extremely unsure of how to proceed with her. I love her so much and she attracts a lot of attention but I am equally attractive and her friends love me, we seem to get along great, and now this curve ball.. I also recently lost my prestigious job and I cant take her out quite as often but she says those things dont matter to her even though they bother me. I am not broke, but I feel like she may be changing her opinion of me as I look for a new position. Shes also on her period and I have no idea if this has anything to do with it. She also doesnt want to talk about our recent conversation and I sorta just ignored it afterwards even though she knows it greatly affected me. We had make-up sex this morning but I just dont know what to do or what to say to her. She has had many relationships and I dont think she is worried about losing me even though she loves me. I feel like she just needs more space because we hang out too often but I'm terribly worried that shes gonna leave me. Any suggestions?
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male
reader, mark0602 +, writes (27 June 2010):
mark0602 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses, they were intuitive and everyone seems to be on the same page. Before reading your responses I actually already implemented a similar strategy. We spent Friday and Saturday night apart and she seemed to really appreciate this sudden change and was lovey dovey with me afterwards. Now,its sunday and I know she will probably spend the night at home. Should I spend this time with her? Or should I purposely go out again with friends so that she will miss me while home alone? We had crappy sex last night and I'm not sure if its cause she was tired (she said she was and acted that way) or if shes still losing interest. Let me know what you think!
A
male
reader, Universe Man +, writes (23 June 2010):
Here are the informative parts of your question:
"I feel that I may be smothering her because we hang out pretty much every single day." "I feel like she just needs more space because we hang out too often."
"I dont think she is worried about losing me." "I'm terribly worried that shes gonna leave me."
You are both very wrapped up in each other. Spending every day together is generally not a good thing. You both need to cultivate a little independence in yourselves.
She realizes this. She knew it from the beginning and that's why she kept talking about not wanting a relationship. But she probably really likes you, so she got wrapped up in you too. She's probably been down this road before. If she's really beautiful like you say and is good at forming deep bonds, her boyfriends probably tend to get attached to her.
The solution is for you to be an independent man. Have a guys' night out with your buddies. Cut down just a little on how much time you spend together and be sure not to use any gushing language to tell her how much you like her. Watch her fall in love with you all over again. She's been waiting for the man who can fall in love with her and remain a whole, separate man.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2010): There are two reasons y a woman would tell a guy that she's not sure where the relationships going...
1. She'd want to Have that 'line' to let her b/f know that she needed more from the relationship. Example;
her " I don't know where this relationship is going"
what that really means is..."are we taking the next step in thiis relationship together!?"
2. She's losing interest and wants to prepare you for the worst!
My suggestion...
Re-gain your confidance. A woman doesn't want to know that she has a b/f on puppet strings . Start doing things on your own and stay busy. Let her know when you'll be out by txt and always b the first to get off of the phone. Always comfort her with the knowledge tour brush faithful, just want to give her some space. Don't ask her all the time what she's been up to. Let her tell you on her own.
Talking and listening is the key to a great sex life with a woman u love. If she feels that you make her laugh and that you care about what things are important ro her..well thT a great start to 4play!!
It's not too late!!
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (23 June 2010):
 I think your girlfriend may feel a bit frightened by the fast rate with which things are moving between you too. Love can be the most frightening thing in the world for most people because it makes them so vulnerable, more open to be hurt. By trying to put space between you two, she might, in her own way, be trying to slow things. So, give her some space but at night, hug her to you, show her affection just to wordlessly let her know how much you care. You will need a lot of patience to give her that space, but trust enough in what you guys have and you'll make it. If she finds that shes truly not ready for a relationship, theres nothing to do but accept that and give her your friendship. But, she might also see how much she missed you and truly wants you for her own and decide to let your love take its course. You seem like you truly care for her, show her that in small but meaningful ways and by doing so, get her to relax more about having a loving relationship. Hope this helps...
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 June 2010):
If there was ever a commitment phobe, this woman is it. She's had may relationships and they've all broken down. She's just 25. She made it clear she wasn't looking for something that wasn't serious, then moved in with you and now has changed her mind again. If all she really cares about is money, she's not worth it. And if she's a commitment phobe, she's not worth it. Be proactive here, and stop looking at this through love eyes. This has moved fast, and she comes across as an unstable girl. Maybe breaking up is for the best here.
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