A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:To make a long story short, me and my girlfriend basically got into a really stupid argument. The argument consisted of her yelling at me, calling me names (stupid, retard, etc) and she basically said my view on the world was stupid. So in my defense, I got a little mad at her and just told her how I felt. I didn't appreciate her attacking me and what I was interested in. She said because of the way I was acting, she said she wasn't sure about me anymore, and that I broke her heart. She called me crying that night and I asked what was wrong, is everything ok, i'm sorry, etc. And she basically hung up and told me later that I sounded "angry" that she was sad. I won't lie, I was still angry at her for attacking me over something so stupid, but that doesn't mean I wasn't there to support her.Anyway, after telling me it's over basically, she starts talking to one of her friends the next day. They talk on the phone for hours while I'm at work, or even when I'm home and I feel alone without her. Ironically enough we still talk on the phone everyday, maybe some time apart might help? But I am afraid of what might happen if I "take a break" from her (more info ahead)So we talk a lot, but I really had nothing to say because I was so jealous she was talking to another man. Then she started rubbing the fact in my face, saying that he might be the one, and she really likes him. The guy likes her too, however doesn't want to come in between me and her (thank god) Eventually we got back into our old selves, we tell each other we love each other very much, and that what happened was stupid. We basically "made up" it seems. However she still tells me she still isn't sure about me because of what I did, and what I believe in. I personally think that's really immature and she should accept me for who I am you know?But she told me we won't be together again unless *I* grow up. I know what I did was wrong, I know I shouldn't have gotten so mad at her. But in my defense, she had no right to tell me off either. She says she isn't quite sure if she accepts my music taste/beliefs. But does she expect me to be exactly like her?So now she started to develop feelings for this other guy. I know in the end either me or him will have our heart broken, and personally I cried for days when I found out she was moving on so fast. She tells me that she loves me, but I'm an a**hole and she isn't sure that's what she wants. She says this other guy is very sweet, charming, something that I don't have as much of. However she says I'm a good person to have fun with, joke around with, and be herself with. Personally I think it's stupid since I've known her for years, and we've been dating about 4 months. She's been talking to this guy for about a week, and he can already compete with me? I understand she's still holding things against me, but I've done so much for her it just seems like she doesn't even notice.Most people tell me I should move on, that I shouldn't let my heart be broken again. Me and my gf have broken up several times over really dumb stuff (she always breaks up with me by the way) and we always seem to get back together. She's really my first girlfriend, and the first person I've ever felt this way about before. I love her very much, but maybe I need to swallow my pride once in awhile so she can be happy?What should I do?Do I leave her and just forget about her? (If she picks the other guy, I'm going to be really upset at myself for letting this happen)I feel if I stop talking to her then maybe she'll miss me. We never take a break from each other (I tell her it's unhealthy to spend so much time together, she tells me I either get all of her, or nothing..)And maybe when she experiences the other guy at a personal level, she'll then be able to decide who is right for her. But I think the guy is just putting on a front to impress her, since that's always what people do when they first meet someone isn't it?And I'm afraid she'll fall in love with him and choose him if I let her be. If I don't spend time with her, she'll spend time with him.Or do I stick it out and hope she picks me? (The fact that she even told this guy her secrets really bothers me though, since that's what made me feel special)But I can accept that we wronged each other, and what happened happened for a reason.I'm just upset because I feel as if I'm competing with someone to win her back. And I feel as if she's using both of us just to support her, and be there for her for what she wants at the right moment (His charm vs my character)Eventually she's going to pick, and I don't want to give it my all just to get nothing in the end.Me and her have spoken about marriage before. And she has told me secrets that no one else knows. But I am afraid that she has told this other guy them too, and trusts him just as much as me in this short period.I am afraid they have a stronger bond at this point. I feel we're perfect, we just fight over dumb stuff sometimes. I just want to make it clear that I am not a bad person. I always do my best to make her (and other people) happy, but it seems as though she'll never be happy. We fight a lot, over stupid things. I stick up for myself, and I think it bothers her. I think she sometimes may even try to manipulate me into doing what she wants and to make her happy.She talks to me everyday (she still texts him while she talks to me on the phone) and tells me she loves me still. But she's confused who she wants. I love her. She doesn't always treat me right, but she's an incredible person when we talk like we're in love. She gets mad at me for no reason sometimes, and I always try to comfort her. But sometimes when she gets mad and takes it out on me, I have to stand up for myself. And it hurts her feelings. I don't get it...Should I stay or should I go?Thanks!
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female
reader, meg2989 +, writes (26 December 2009):
 Tell her everything you just wrote here. I don't mean that you posted it on the website to get advice lol, I mean tell her that this is how you feel... Relationships are not just love, they can be work, but if you love that person then you need to decide if its worth it to try to work things out or not. If she starts to get upset, try to calm her down, and explain that you are not accusing her, but trying to communicate your emotions as well. Tell her you hate it when she's mad but you feel like she does get mad often and ask her why. Is it something you are doing, is just how she expresses herself when frusterated with the relationship or what. Relationships aren't one sided, both people need to be open to eachothers feelings and ideas. Maybe instead of getting mad when she bashes your lifestyle/taste explain to her that she cannot be bashing you or treating you that way and that if she doesnt try to fix it then it will be hard for you both to be in a relationship. When she does get angry tell her that she cannot take it out on you. She needs to work through her anger and deal with it, even if its simply by talking about why she's upset. (calmly of course) If she is unable to try to be an adult and work things out by communication and effort, then it may be time that you do move on. But right now keep the faith and keep trying. Like I said relaionships are love, but they are also work and if you love her then its worth it to put the effort in to try your relationship once more. Good lck honey, I hope that helped!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2009): Dump her right now! She's just playing with your feelings, and you two seemed to have a rocky relationship from the start! Go find someone else who will treat you right. This girl doesn't, and if you marry her, things will get worse and you will be miserable for the rest of your life.
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A
female
reader, Sometimes It Just Happens +, writes (26 December 2009):
Tell her you still have feelings for her, BUT, you just want her to be happy. Then give her a nice hug, a I-am-always-here- hug. They mean the world to us girls.
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