A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:[Moderator Note: Confusing Reference to Addams family Removed. Family is not anything like the Addams family.]My husband is the oldest child and only boy in a family consisting of the following: The dominant mother who never worked a day in her life Donna reed, the incredibly submissive husband, and the three 30+ year old kids living at home and only one child doing something with her life. I come from a very driven and successful family I an also a lot younger than my husband by 13 years. There have always been the typical issues with the over bearing mother in law but I've overlooked it just for peace. I've done a lot of overlooking even when his family completely blew off my family when his family was invited to a family function. I am estranged from my parents and am very unhappy with them but at every opportunity my husbands family puts my family down. His mother embarrassed my in front of my friends me a cold shoulder silent treatment when I invited some of my friends over to our new home. We had to have a party just for her to soothe her ego. Anyway my husbands sister and I used to be really close despite her short comings. Then as time passed I realized some truth to her personality. I come from a bi racial background and although I was brought up in a significantly white environment my experience in my predominant private s schools and such has exposed me to racist situations that truly bother me. My sister in law and her boyfriend would make comments of a racial nature in my presence and my husbands family wouldn't bat an eyelash. Sometimes his family would join in. At first I would ignore it and just complain to my husband he never stood up for me. Then I passively explain to them that I find their behavior offensive please stop especially in front of my son. Even at a family party I had to leave the table because of my sister in law and her boyfriends racist tongues. My husband avoids confrontation like the plague and I knew that if I said something knowing his family`s love for drama WWIII would erupt. So I still tried to nurture my relationship with my husbands family if only for my sons sake. Then the situation came to a head when my sister in law made a blatant racist statement on a social web site for all my friends and relatives to see. of course my family and friends reacted and so did I. I called her out on her behavior she tried to say it was a joke but the harm had already been done. To this day she still thinks that I an upset about her comment textually. She does not understand the power of her words and what they inferred. They were offensive to people of all backgrounds. This fact in apparent due to the internet uproar that followed. My sister in law even started a fight with AA long time friend of mine via the website...she doesn't even know him and he was trying to defend me. As a result I refused to talk to her. She wouldn't apologize in any contact we had or her light hearted quasi attempt at apologizes would be masked by her statements of why she was right to say what she did. My husband asked for his mothers help in the situation she stated she didn't want to get involved however 24 hours later I was getting texts messages from their mother for me to sstop being upset. This has been going on for five months now. his sister and I have gone back and fourth a few times but I told her not to contact me. Now the family is divided my husband supports me 100% his family is on the other side. His sister used this as an opportunity to start muddling the waters as to why I'm a bad person I have a bad mouth etc just to mask All the faults she has which has no bearing on the issue at hand. His sister has gone as far as to tell my husbands best friends about the situation and their family and is trying to get them involved. she told my husband right before thanksgiving that he had one chance to redeem himself for taking my side wtf. She walks around with copies of the emails she and I have sent back and fourth I think just to keep her lies straight. She has even reached out to an old best friend of mine that she hates to talk about me and stir more drama. My husband has made several attempts to speak to his family to no avail I am not welcome in the home and worst of all there is no contact with my son which is disgusting. I was willing to swallow the issue and put on a happy face for my son and my husbands behalf but that wasn't enough. His sister had to start up more dramam it never ends my husband tried to see his parents and give them gifts their father said they weren't exchanging gifts and that his sister would be there christmas day not to come over. Wtf is wrong with these people. Before when my husband stopped by his parents house for his mothers birthday his sister was there and didn't say two words to her brother and the crazy b tried to stop her dog from going near my husband. This issue has caused a huge strain on my marriage and the family. What do I do?[Moderator Note: Edited to remove confusing reference to Addams Family. Not a Valid comparison.]
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female
reader, notguilty  +, writes (14 January 2010):
Kick them in the butt, they deserve it. I almost punched my sil cuz she pushed me too far with her long tongue. Good luck xoxo
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2009): WOW. I am going through the same situation. My In-Law's have lived and grown up in a life of luxury and take everything for granted.
My sister in-law, (37, works part time, lives with her mother still, and acts like she's 18) always tries to stir drama and dislikes me to the fullest. She told my husband not to buy me or my family expensive gifts because we will not "be together much longer". Not that it's any of her business, but we are fine and there is no talk of seperation.
to no prevail, I went to my family as well as their family's Christmas dinner where she pretends to be my best friend, and then the second I leave bashes me.
I think that our In-laws are similar because they are jealous. Jealousy is really all that it comes down to. Some women are very strange about their brother's wives/girlfriends, and when the attention is not on them, they react in a rude manner to derail the attention back to them.
Your sis in-law was obviously looking for a reaction from you with that racist comment, OBVIOUSLY you are bi-racial. She's not an idiot and she knew what she was doing. I would be fuming.
I think that after all of this bantering back and forth, it is your job to give his family an ultimatum. Tell them how hurt you are with the things that they have said. You are married to their son/brother, and that means that you are family, and you never give up on family. Tell them that you hope one day that you can all spend the holidays together peacefully, and that your son will know and be a part of their lives, because that is very important to you. And then, towards the end of the letter/email/phone call, tell them that if they do not respect your feelings, then you will be forced not to subject your child to that kind of behavior and your husband will attend any gathering's alone.
That's pretty much all I can think of. Unfortunately you have to be the bigger person in this situation for your husband and your son. Think of it as a good example that you are setting for your son. To always stick up for yourself, but to do so with resepct and dignity and love.
Good luck my dear, I feel your pain, but you need to end this nonsense once and for all!!
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