A
male
age
41-50,
*uestions12
writes:(Please see the 'Can you trust a serial cheater' thread for background details if needed)In summary, I am in a relationship that lacks trust. I have basically been forced to check up on my partners phone and email etc. in order to gain any trust for her. So, the last few months have been great. There has been no inappropriate contact from any other men. In fact, I did not even check up on her for the last 2 months. I felt great, as though I have finally broke a trust barrier. I was out of town for 4 days, and when I returned, I felt compelled to check up on her. When I did, I found that she has been entertaining a somewhat dirty conversation with another man. It was nothing serious, but the man was basically commenting on her cleavage in photos, and how she should come see him and wear a particular cleavage bearing shirt. Instead of dismissing it, she seemed to entertain it. She never responded in a dirty way, but she kept the conversation alive, for hours. She talked to him right in front of me. She said he was just a friend, which I am totally cool with. However, the guy is married with 2 young girls. Is it really appropriate for him to be talking to my girlfriend from 10pm-2am every Friday and Saturday as well as blowing up her messenger the second she signs on? I think not, and I told her this weeks ago. I did not get mad at all though, since the conversation was friendly, which is totally cool. I just made her aware that his actions (basically virtual stalking haha) were clearly indicative of an ulterior motive.2 Question:1) It has been almost a year, and I am still finding things like this in her phone/email. Since I already do not trust her due to her past, is it time to just move on and stop entertaining her excuses? (ps - I am completely fed up with, exhausted and disgusted by having to check her communications due to lack of trust - I have never done this before). 2) I totally realize that there is a possibility that I am totally over-reacting. She claims she did not 'respond' to him, yet she kept conversing with him for hours every week. Am I totally blowing this out of proportion?*Please remember that I already have major trust issues and I have already told her point blank that I do not see a future for us. Thank you!
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her ex, her past, move on, stalking Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, questions12 +, writes (13 May 2009):
questions12 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe have a very close business relationship as well. This is where it gets rather complicated. They say never to mix business with pleasure; well, I am starting to be a believer in that. Although I do not see a long term future due to trust issues, I am enjoying the present physical relationship we carry on. Also, aside from the trust issues, she does provide wonderful mental and emotional support.
However, all that aside, I think you are right. I suppose if I do not see a future there is no point in postponing a break up because I am enjoying a relationship physically.
One year of similar behavior certainly is consistent enough to send a clear message. Unfortunately that is precisely the type of behavior I do not/cannot tolerate for a long term commitment.
A
female
reader, bellaaddison +, writes (13 May 2009):
Haven't you already got your answer?
You don't see a future with her so why make yourself (and her too, I'm sure) crazy??
Just let it go.
If it's been over a year and the trust issues are still so consuming, it will never get better. You either accept her for who she is (and what she does) or you leave. Again, you say you see no future so what's keeping you there?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): the big question would be why you are in a relationship that you see no future in and where there is no trust? The rest of it is irrelevant.
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