A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend gets aggresive if i look in my mobile phone. If we argue she accuses me of hiding things from her. I have told her to look through it if thats what she thinks. She never does but continues to accuse again and again. I now discover that she is going to flirt chatrooms. She has told me i have betrayed her trust by looking through her computer. I was on it and a message popped up saying something sexual. Okay,this has hurt. What i am angry about is the allegations about my phone,as if she believed i had a secret fancy woman but wouldnt look when i said. She isnt sorry and has said i have been texting behind her back. I am hurt and dont know how to act because i'm not allowed to ask anything. She is 12 years older than me. She has 3 young children who hero worship me. My family have warned me but still stood by us both. She has also told me i never made her feel good about herself. Why does she want me? She says if i leave,i musnt love her.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009): ur relationship is doomed. could u ever trust this woman?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009): My feeling is that you are younger than the age bracket shown. I will explain that these characteristics you mention show a deeply disturbed mind. Her accusations show part of a game plan,trying to build up a case against you dude,to keep for future reference.She wont be a stranger to this. You have got to get away,she sounds sinister and potentialy dangerous. Things will get worse,mark my words. Expect rumours that you cheated or any lie to go around the streets. I bet she doesnt tell a soul the truth,and why?because she knows she is wrong. Dude,get packing,but wait until she`s out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009): Time to hit the road. Never look back. I don`t even know why you are here asking? She knew the risk,so she can take what she knew would happen. Do you mean you are scared of your family saying "i told you so"? Sometimes people on the outside see things you dont see as youre blinded by love. You will miss her,feel lonely,but go because this woman is unbalanced and thinking she`s in the right means she cant be helped.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009): i bet she`s not making you feel very good about yourself right now is she? If you are happy to stay with a mental case then stay put. If not,i cant think of anywhere else that can be worse. Some people just cant help it,and why did her kids dad leave? Did she happen to stray because he never made her feel good about herself? She is wrong,not you. I wouldnt even try and fix this because she is clever enough at this game. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. Its a shame for the kids as this is probably the only stabilty they have had. She may try and use them to get you back. Whatever she says,remember,its her that caused it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009): I think by what you say,you have hit a brick wall. She refuses point blank to accept responsibility. This i would interpret as she`s saying my business is nothing to do with you so please respect my privacy. Respect her privacy and leave. I have myself had the misfortune of having to account for every move,only to find she had been cheating on and off with the same married guy. I would instantly question any woman who got suspicious from now on. Learn from this. I would advise you that the next is likely to be different,so dont make her suffer for it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009): I have been thru this. Very similar behaviour,time after time. A mixture of hurt and mental abuse when she turned it around on me or saying i never listened. 4 years of it. You go,then the guilt trick, told i had no intention of commitment (i wonder why?). All my fault. She needed to feel good which i never made her feel. Of course in her world i was cheating. I have since found that there is more to life and being hurt and missing someone will go away. Unless you enjoy it then you have to go. I dont think she will stop as she refuses to see any wrong. They are people who you never will understand unless your one of them.
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A
male
reader, Dr T  +, writes (20 July 2009):
As with the other posters she is projecting her guilt onto you. "If I can do it, then so can he"
She is also trying to blame you for her feelings of low self esteem by saying that you never made her feel good about herself. It is the responsibility of each of us to do that for ourselves first then the natural consequence is that we will make other feel good.
As for the emotional blackmail of "if you leave you dont love me", well what can one say. This is a very cheap shot.
You need to summarise these things, make a list of what you need from a healthy relationship and see how many matches you get. If you cant ask anything that isnt a good sign of healthy communication so you have to do this yourself.
Hope it all works out for you.
Dr T
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (20 July 2009):
 woah! she's like obviously guilty of something because she's reversing everything on you.
she's hiding something from you but won't show it because she wants YOU to look the bad guy so she's using all this technique against you.
it's like a reverse psychology she knows you're not doing anything wrong because she knows she is in the wrong but she feels if she can convince herself enough that it'll be true and it won't be her doing whatever she's doing behind your back.
my guess is you confront her ask HER if there is anything she needs to share with you because she's clearly hiding something from you.
it's unfair she's doing this to you because obviously there is nothing to prove you've offered her to look through your phone but she refuses as she knows she's wrong!
you guys need a serious talk with eachother it's unfair on you being blamed for something you know you've not done!
hope this helps :)
x ilovebowsandcherries x
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