A
male
age
30-35,
*oalty
writes:Hi, i know alot of you will probably rub this off as nothing due to the fact that im "young" by most of your standards, but i would really appreciate some honest help here... me and my girlfriend have been together for about a year and 4 months, and we get along great, we practically live together (being 5 minutes from each others house and the fact that she usually stays at my house even through the night). our relationship isnt the typical teenage "fake" relationship that seems to be the cliché of people my age. I am alot different from guys my age, my mind isnt always on the sex, to me there needs to be love before there can be sex. im more of a type of person who wears their heart on their sleeve and likes commitment. Well ive tried to avoid relationships all my life, ive seen alot of things other people havent and it has made me very mature for my age and i decided i didnt want to deal with the typical highschool relationship amongst other things. well when my girlfriend and i met, things changed, I fell in love with her, but for the first 2 months of our dating she was (for lack of a better word) a slut. she madeout with her ex after going to her friends house, now that devastated me, because loyalty to me is one of the most important things in life, and i can honestly say ive never cheated in a relationship and honestly never had the desire too. well after that incident, she changed, amazingly enough she became the complete opposite, she removed every guys number from her phone and avoided all physical contact with other guys (like giving a friendly hug). Ever since then she has been 100% loyal and our relationship has gone amazingly well, we were both each others first for sex, which happened about 6 months in. and before any of the ppl who usually leave smart ass remarks leave a comment... yes im sure she was a virgin -.- anyway, lately ive been feeling like she has lost alot of respect for me and like she doesnt care about me like she used to, she will do things like mock me or laugh when i get mad (shes 16 and rather immature at times which is what i think is the reason) but i was just wondering what i should think about this, should i be worried or is it just a phase and it will change as she gets older. Im afraid the disrespect may be my own fault, shes had a rough life, parents divorced etc. and ive always just wanted to be able to give her everything she always wanted, however she was an only child and she is sometimes quite selfish because of it. i also dont like being mean and hanging up on her when shes being a tad unfair or rediculous, rather i try to explain to her why im upset. Were are the type of couple who never really lost that new couple spark, were very loving of each other and arent afraid to let it show. i am rather insecure and definately a jealous person, although i never really have anything to be jealous of regarding her behavior and other guys. but i tend to let things eat at me. Right now i get the feeling that she thinks i wont break up with her, and shes just freely treating me poorly. please help i really have nowhere else to go, i cant handle the thought of breaking up with her and i dont want to, someone please give me some insight as to how to make this work. p.s. i can have a bit of an anger problem when im lied to or am disrespected, nothing violent, but my voice will raise and i swear alot :( so yeah i get pretty pissed when we get in fightsplease and thank you any insight would be amazing
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divorce, fell in love, her ex, immature, insecure, jealous, spark, violent Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): Hey,
I don't think she would lose respect for you if you took her back or let her get away with stuff, it may well be that she is taking advantage of your kindness though.
The way your original post sounded just made it come across as that you were upset over something she had done. I'm sorry to jump to conclusions, and it's probably just some wording issues. Anyway, my apologies :)
As for her treating you with no respect, this is'nt fair and you should make sure you tell her whenever she does something to hurt you. She may not be reaslising that the way she is acting is harmful. Point it out to her without shouting or getting angry, and if she starts to argue, just tell her you were only pointing it out, and that you didn't want to start an arguement.
It actually sounds like we have similar problems, hah.
But sorry once again for the misunderstanding.
I felt the same as you when I joined, any problems I shared I always worried that my age would be discriminated against. The only time any aunt or uncle would do that is perhaps to some kids you get on here being naiive or stupid, so you have nothing to worry about.
A
male
reader, loalty +, writes (21 July 2009):
loalty is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell first off... thanks for comin in here with the intention of helping, but i dont control her, its all stuff shes done on her own free will, i tell her she can do whatever she pleases, i was just giving a little background info as to why she may treat me like this, perhaps she lost respect for me because i took her back or i dont like to hurt her and sometimes i rather let things slide and hurt myself. im not being sarcastic at all, it just seems like whenever a teenager has a problem with a relationship it is considered petty. and i really dont think you were very fair with your judgement chlo, i never said i dragged things on when we argue, i just said i get angry. im not worried about her cheating on me, im sorry if you misunderstood me but that was not the point, i was just trying to give as much background info as i possibly could. thank you and im sorry if i came off as an asshole.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009): Ok, firstly, no-one here is going to take the mick out of you, we're all of different ages and have different opinions, which is what you want from an advice site, so please stop the sarcastic comments or no-one is going to want to help you.
Secondly, I can't really see what the problem is here! Your girlfriend does'nt seem to be doing anything wrong. She has even stopped talking to other guys, and deleted them all from her phine, which is ridiculous, you can't expect to be able to control her like you are. If you can't trust her with other guys, you shouldn't be with her, put her out of her misery. Some of my best friends are guys, and I love them, but I would never ever go near them more than platonically. My boyfreind does'nt get this, but he's young and there's other problems there. It's different of course if these guys were'nt her good friends, and actually were just guys.
She cares about you too, if she has done all this for you, and I'm sure she's just finding her feet and making new friends, you are looking far too far into this and in the end it will only drive her away. Relationships have low and high patches, I should know. Just be there for her whenever she needs it and don't cling on to her! She will respect you for this and will eventually come back round again.
I also think that you are annoyed that you have no solid argument with her; you seem to be looking for one!? Like the fact that she laughs when you get angry, probably because you are angry over nothing!
It's fair enough that you get angry when you get lied to, but don't drag these things out over weeks and months as it will only make the relationship bitter. Sort it out then move on, and don't bring it back up again.
As for the jealousy, in this relationship, that seems to be your own problem, not hers, so don't blame her for it. She will see it as a lack of trust towards her, and that will be a big disrespect to her. You need to work on that or it will be your end.
If she trully is treating you badly, please post to tell us a little more about it so we can help. It will also help you to gert to the root of the problem.
Maybe suggest a break with her for now until you both get your heads straight about what you want.
x
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (20 July 2009):
 Right now i get the feeling that she thinks i wont break up with her, and shes just freely treating me poorly
theres your problem solution hmm well depends on your game i guess you can tell her how youve been feeling lately.
or you can realize you have a 16 yr old gf that gets hit on buy a hundred guys everyday shes probably cute and she knows it shes having fun enjoying herself shes immature and doesnt take the relationship seriously .just what im thinking
your way to attached to this girl its not healthy i kno its hard but the best thing that can happen to you is to hve your heart broken youll learn a valuable lesson. i would say start looking for another gf but break up with her and soon you stand a better chance getting her back if you break up with her then if you wait for her to leave you good luck
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