A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Let me start by saying I am very much in love with my girlfriend, and I believe she is very much in love with me. The problem is I don't think she has very much respect for me. She has a history of lying about little things, she gets upset with me over little things to the point that I feel like I need to be careful when I'm around her, she doesn't show me anywhere near as much affection as I show her (spontaneous kisses, hugs, smiles), and she seems to do things that she knows will upset me... Things like telling me she's not going to drink when she goes out, then drinking. Or Telling me she will only have one drink, only to have 3 or 4. It seems like, in those cases, she is falling in to peer pressure rather than respecting what she told me. Also, she gets incredibly irrational and sometimes throws things and gets physical when she gets drunk. When she gets really mad at me, she won't let me leave the room or not talk to her. She starts yelling and having a fit. The biggest act of disrespect, though, happened two years ago when she cheated on me after living together in our apartment for a couple months (we had been together 4 years, now 6 years). I believe her when she says it was the first and only time, and I believe she truly does love me. I try to make her happy however I can, and am trying very hard to make this relationship work. She is really a great girl, but I feel as though she is completely in control in the relationship and I want so badly for her to respect me a little more in our relationship. I don't know what specifically I am asking, I really don't know what to do. I guess I'm just looking for general advice in my situation. Please help...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2009): I think you should set some boundaries with this girl. She will continue to act this way and test you over and over again to see if your love is strong enough to tolerate it.
A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (5 July 2009):
 your gf sounds like she has some serious lack of willpower and issues.unfortunately people rarely change, so u have to weigh up talking to her one more time to tell her how much her behavior has put a strain on u, or u have to give yourself a break and walk away.the only way u get respect from other people is when u start respecting yourself. good luck!
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (5 July 2009):
 Yep, you're right, she has no respect for you. She also has a drinking problem and is incredibly immature by the sound of things. She may tell you she loves you, but actions speak louder than words. You say she shows very little affection, throws tantrums at you, criticises you, has you tip-toeing around for fear of upsetting her. The reason she carries on like that is because you tolerate it. You need to get this person out of your life. There's decent girls out there who don't behave like pigs, go find yourself one before this one poisons your life completely.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2009): I think maybe you too should try to sit down and talk about your feelings try too ask to talk to her about some problems in the relationship, if she disagrees and doesnt want to talk or gets angry at the mention of there being problems then she probably doesnt carefrom personal exp ;)
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