A
male
age
41-50,
*rbadlove40
writes:I have been dating a girl for just over a year. We just got engaged in mid december. A week after our engegement i found out that she has been having an affair with her ex boyfriend of 4 years for the past 3 months. I confronted her, she moved out of my home and we broke up for 2 weeks and then got back together. She has not moved back into my home.This past week I have learned that she has continued email communication with him since we got back together in January, emails as of yesterday. Their communication is about their anger with one another for reasons of why they could not make their relationship work...blaming each other for various reasons...but saying if they could get past this there could be hope for them.I have not confronted her on this..yet! But will in the next few days after I get my strategy in place of what is best for me.Before me, she had two other relationships, 6 months in length each that both ended with her going back to her ex boyfriend. But her and her ex never works and is dysfunctional, they seem to be obsessed with each other.She is not really remorseful to me (at least to what i would expect)for the affair and she acts like what happened with him is no big deal (I think her way of dealing with her shame), she apologizes and says she is sorry but I don't think it is truly heartfelt. We have called off the engagement to try and work through the issue back in december. She says she is confused right now and needs some space to think, in other words she is not at my door kissing my ass saying please take me back. She is saying she needs time to figure herself out. So all is on hold as far as the engagementI have said fine, just go away..but every day she calls or texts telling me she misses me and loves me. In my words...she is a confused mess but I think this is her way of not accepting responsibility or consequences for her actions. I try not to answer her communication for when I do it seems as though we end back at square one again.She has turned her affair into her being the victim. She cares more about what she feels inside verse the devastation this brought to our relationship and my trust.Good advice is appreciated.
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affair, broke up, cheated on me, engaged, got back together, her ex, kissing, moved out, needs some space, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2008): YOU are from one of the greatest nations in the world!There are over 21 eligible females for every one male in this country (elgible 18 to 45). I say this.....DUMP HER and keep moving on. There is plenty of fish in the sea here in America. I say let her wallow with her "EX" and you move on with your life. If she's not sure who she wants to be with....then you make sure it's not with you...YOU don't need or deserve the drama..... move on man!
A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (9 February 2008):
 I don't know if this is what you would call "good" advice, but it's what I would do in your situation.
I'd walk away. Change your phone number and get her out of your life. I think you know that's the only solution, but are reluctant to cut the umbilical cord.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (9 February 2008):
 She made the choice to cheat, you make the choice to not put up with being treated in the way her actions show. I ended it with one of my ex's that cheated. It was simple. She knew from the beginning that I don't accept it. I also told her it doesn't matter how much I love someone, if they cheat, I can't be with them. I simply told her "you breached the trust in our relationship, therefore I terminated our involvement."
i don't know if I'd be that blunt in your case. I'd just tell her, it doesn't seem as she's ready for the commitment you're looking at providing. It's not a bad thing, she just has issues she has to work out before she'll really be ready to have a faithful relationship with anyone.
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