A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girl friend and I have been on rough terms lately. We got in a fight b/c of something she did then I needed time to think and didn't talk to her for a while. She said she was drowning that week and she blames me for it b/c she thought of me as her main support force. So by the time I came to talk she turned it all on me like look how unstable I have become because of you (she didn't say it like that but there was definitely that implication) . Anyway, I know I'm not responsible for her becoming that way but I could have been more sensitive etc. Shortly after this whole thing happeend she wanted to spend more time with her friends (something that I had suggested 2 months before b/c she felt she was getting disconnected from them). School and stress kept her from spending quality time with her friends. Anyway exams came up and I talked to her and said that it seemed like she wanted to reconnect with her friends and put us on the back burner for a while. She said that wasn't the case, but she's being pulled in both directions by her friends. Then she become emotional. She thought it was inconsiderate for me to talk to her about this topic on a week before exams were coming up. I told her I thought it was important and thats why we brought it up. Anyway she said she couldn't handle the stress of me and her friends pulling her while shes stressing for studying for exams. So I said we could deal with it after exams. Well she's finished exams and we are both going on different spring breaks and after the trips we've talked about hanging out. She seems very distant . When we are near each other she is friendly but still different. I wonder if she's waiting for me to break up with her so she can get an easy out (I've actually asked her this before and she said thats not the case at all, but its been a while). At this point I'm not attached to her at the hip or anything. I just want to know what her intentions are so I can move on in the right way. If she wants to continue our relationship and was just overloaded by stress and now will be able to spend time with me , then great. But if she's playing around with this well I need to reconnect stuff after all this it might be time to reconsider my options. I need some insight on this one. I've thought about it a lot just need to hear from another person. What do you guys think?
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male
reader, philipgifts +, writes (18 March 2009):
 Just assure her that you care about her and you want your relationship to grow, and one of the ways for any relationship to grow is to be onist with eachother.Then teller the things that have been bothering you. Then at the end of the conversation teller the only reason your bring it up is because you want the relationship to last. And you want to resolve the issue before you guys went any further in your relationship.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree that she has manipulated certain things as far as putting the value of her emotions over mine, trying to make me look like the bad guy. I feel like I definitely need to bring this up to her if it doesn't change the way she behaves at least it will give me closer on that. We'll have a conversation after the break. Any advice on how to talk to her about her being manipulating without spurring a defensive attitude? I know how to talk to her I'm just trying to find the most effective way. Any suggestions?
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (14 March 2009):
Unfortunately all we can do here is listen to your problem.
The problem basically is that you don't know where you stand.
And the only person who can tell you the answer to this is your girlfriend.
You have to sit her down and say that you don't think things are the same and want to know if she wants to end it, or if not then tell her you need to talk about how to fix it.
It sounds like you have both been stressed and you haven't coped with that stress as a couple very well.
Thinking about it is all well and good but you have to communicate with her and really listen so she can open up and be honest.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, philipgifts +, writes (14 March 2009):
I think the main issue was with her friends,not being able to spend enough time with them.So she put your relationship on hold,for them and her grades.I would consider leaving her,if I were you.She should have put her friends on hold,the higher priority to her was friends. She also put her feeling above yours and turned it around on you,making you apear to be the bad guy.She has maniulated your relationship to where shes incontrol of everything.I would move on b/c it doesn't seem like she takes your relationship seriosly.She should have balanced it out,friends on these days and you on the other days, but she chose her friends over you in the end.And now shes uncofortable with you,even though finels are over.It just seems like one of those scenarios,Its not you its me,and in this case it fits perfictly,its her.
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