A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid,I've been living with my girlfriend for a few years now. We have a stable relationship - some up and downs, of course, but nothing big, I guess.We're both around 26-29 y old. For some time she's been talking about getting married and how this is her life dream and such. Since the beginning of our relationship I've been saying that I did not want to get married, but we were together nonetheless.Lately the subject came around again and after some consideration I decided to give it a try. After I said 'yes' she became very worried that I was doing something against my will and that she didn't wanted to marry me if I didn't wanted to marry her. I had thought "what the hell, let's try this" and assured her that we would be getting married.Today she's accusing me of not being "excited enough" about the wedding, especially when we talk about it to someone else. This wedding thing is not a great deal to me - I'm just happy to be with her, to make her happy and to have a stable relationship, married or not. However, it is a very big deal to her (especially due to her religion). I think she would make a good life partner but she does not seem to understand why I am not so "in the clouds" as her.I am quite the introvert, and I tend to keep my feelings for myself (yet here I am, discussing it in public...). However, I believe that actions speak louder than words, and I try my best to be a good boyfriend despite not being so open.I'm trying hard to figure this one out. Why I'm feeling that way? Is it wrong or right? Following through with the marriage is the right thing to do?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 April 2011):
 Did you tell her exactly that ? " I am not particularly excited about our wedding just because to me it won't change the substance of things. I will still love you when we are married the same I'd love if we weren't ". I don't thing she could object to that- it's a declaration of unconditional love ,after all.
If you are having doubts or misgivins about being married , though, and most of all about being married WITH HER- please call the wedding off. You should get married only if you are serious about being with her for the rest of your life.
I know I know, now divorce is legal everywhere, there's no social stigma about it anymore, it's pretty common, etc.etc.
Still, a divorce is always traumatic, - devastating if you have kids, and also- expensive !. Ok, it can happen against all your best intentions. But getting maried already having in mind, " ok let's try, no big deal- if it does not work, we'll just have to get out of it " is a self -defeating strategy. Better preventing mistakes than having to fix them.
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