A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:As I'm getting older I see that I am either gay or bi and I wanna talk to a guy for once but there are problems. Right now no one knows about me being gay but me I'm not ready to tell anyone because I not sure about myself but I dont want anyone to know. Their are guys at school I wanna talk to but I don't know if they are guys like me that is keeping being gay to themselves right now. See I dont wanna talk to all out gay guys I'm not interested in that. I wanna talk to a masculine type guy that you cant even tell that gay It's hard for me to find so while I'm at school because I don't want to be outed because kids are cruel and mean these days and I don't want no one to find out. I want to find the right one badly that I feel comfortable with. There are a plenty I like at school but I'm scared to make a move because I might try the wrong guy and a bad reaction might come out and he might tell. Are their any ways you can find out if a guy is gay or bi before you try something. I cam up with a technique but it makes me look crazy. I stair at the boys I like and if they dont say dude what your looking at and just continue to stair each time I assume that he like me to but I might be wrong. The undercover guys and the masculine straight acting guys are the guys i wanna talk to. Are there any ways I can see if a straight acting or bi guy is gay or bisexual without asking so no one would know about me. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2011): You are smart to be cautious at your age. Being out ain't no walk in the park. Especially if you're still schooling it.
Always, always be friends first. Don't just approach a guy and be like 'hey let's be man-lovers' - get to know them. And even if they're not gay, their reaction won't be as bad if you're at least pals.
Otherwise I'd say avoid the school scene altogether. Kids are cruel. It leads to severe paranoia problems in later life, believe me. If you can wait, or find another place to meet guys, all the better.
A
male
reader, inhibited  +, writes (7 April 2011):
 If you're really 18-21 have you considered a gay dating site? Atleast you can be pretty sure the guys on there are gay.
If you're not ready to "come out" maybe approaching guys at school is a little risky anyhow. If a guy came up to you at school and propositioned you wouldn't you make a joke or rebuke him for fear of everyone finding out you were gay?
Good luck to you and please remember you're not the first person to be going through all this and things will get better and seem clearer with experience.
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