A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I think I've been in love with my best friend for a while and we tried a relationship a few years ago for a couple of weeks but it didn't work. I discussed it with him the other day and he said that I was like his sister, he could tell me everything and he didn't want to loose me, it didn't feel right.With this knowledge I was happy and decided that I was happy, I do love him as a brother but recently he's started flirting and meeting with one of my mates who has a history of getting with the boys I like, which kinda makes me wonder what it is I'm missing...but that's not the issue here.The issue is that I think I'm getting jealous, not in a girly way but in a sort of friend way. I kinda feel like I'm not as important anymore as "the girl best friend", he tells me everything still but I keep having to find things out from other people rather than him now as he doesn't have time to tell me because he's always with this other girl or something. Sometimes when we're together he keeps texting her, he even left my concert early just to go and see her without telling me.What do I do here? I don't really think it's fair to come between them but I feel a little pushed away... how do I find time to see him and get him to want to spend time with me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2012): If she is his girlfriend then its normal that he will be closer to her than you. Romantic relationships are closer and higher priority than "best friend" relationships.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 April 2012):
 I think it's normal, particularly at your age, that a guy wants to spend more time, and communicate more confidentially and intimately with his girlfriend, than with a best female friend/ kid sister type of person !
And I would not scheme or guilt-trip him for having more one-on-one time with him , because you may complicate his life. Think about it , maybe the girlfriend could not be overjoyed about him carving out a lot of time from his schedule to spend one-on-one with A ) a friend B) a female friend C ) a female friend who has a crush on her boyfriend ( yes, officially she does not know that, but unofficially... all women have sensitive feelers for this kind of stuff ).
How would YOU feel if your bf would gave more time and importance to his best female friend than to you ? Or eeven the same time and importance- what's the point in being a girlfriend then, if you don't have a very special place in his heart and life ?...
The problem, here, is that , as you are seeing, is very difficult, almost impossible in fact,being " best buddies " with someone you are in love with. Maybe this enforced separation is for your best interst - it will give you the space and way to let your feelings for this guy fade some more, and to find yourself another guy who will acrually demand and insist for having a whole lot of YOUR time and attention .
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 April 2012):
 I think it's normal that he would go looking for a girl friend.
He sees you as a "sister" but no matter how much you TRY and convince yourself, you see him as the guy you care deeply for even if the two if you will never work.
Which means the friendship is a little uneven.
At some point in time YOU might find a guy who likes you NOT as a sister and YOU will be the one with less time for friends, it is a natural thing. Specially in the beginning of a new relationship, people want to spend as much time as they can with their "special" one.
All I can say is, you need to accept it and suck it up and try your best to NOT be jealous.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 April 2012):
 It will be hard for him to spend time with you because you have feelings for him even though you agreed that you are brothers and sisters. It will make his current date uncomfortable as she may think that you come in between them. Unfortunately when people withdraw they are not going to explain why and help you build friendships with other people. I think you should try dating or invite boys to dancing.
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