A
male
age
30-35,
*leh
writes:Hey everyone, I'm back again.There's a girl in my school, a very close friend of mine who I like, more than ever before right now. I made a topic back in November about her: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-want-to-date-her-so-should-i.htmlSo I decided not to do anything after that... seemingly the wrong choice. She's now got back into a relationship with one of the guys who messed her about before (cheated on her, made her miserable). To be perfectly honest, I have no idea what she sees in him. From where I'm standing he's a complete scumbag. He ignores her over the most trivial things, he argues with her a lot and puts her down. So much so that for the past week she's had literally no sense of self-worth and I'm genuinely worried about her.On Wednesday, having spent most of the day talking to her and trying to make her feel valued and important, I thought it was going to come to an end. But alas, all of my efforts to pick her up seem to have been attributed to him. After our hugely long conversation, he comes in, says a few words and suddenly he's a "fantastic boyfriend"... I'm just happy she's got her confidence back, but it's rather frustrating that she's gone straight back to him.She's been with him since about new year and it came up totally out of the blue. She tells me literally everything, but not this. When I asked her about it, she said it "just happened". Bearing in mind before this she never wanted to speak to him nor see him again. Since then, she has pretty much severed all close links to friends - except me. Now don't get me wrong, I'd love to start dating her. I'd trade anything in the world for it. But what is paramount to me is that she's happy - even if that's with her current boyfriend. The problem is, he picks her up and puts her down so many times a week I can't even count it... I hate to see him make her sad but likewise it's great when he makes her happy...To be perfectly honest, I have no idea what I'm trying to get at here, I'm more venting my frustration than anything else, but if anybody would be able to give me help or advice, however small, it would be greatly appreciated.
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male
reader, Pleh +, writes (8 April 2011):
Pleh is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, that was what I think I needed, though it may not exactly be what I'd hoped for, it was what I think I knew deep down.Don't worry, I wouldn't dream of abusing the trust I have as a friend to try and get them to split up and for her to get together with me. In fact, I've done the opposite - telling her to work things out with him, and that by remedying problems they may face, she is the better person in it all. It's a paradox; in a way it pains me to tell her that but it also makes me feel good that I'm helping her...As I said, I think I'm venting my anger above all else but thank you very much for the advice I've been given ~ it's a wake up call in a sense. I just hope I can either get over her... a seemingly impossible task.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): My advice would be to leave her alone she has someone already. Although she might be making it seem like she's not happy and she's in and out, it is still no excuse to try to mess with her. If you want to support her - and that is a noble cause - you can be her friend, and do whatever friends do, but do not ever, in any way, not even hint to having something "more" then uninterested friendship with her. You would only be making her life more miserable, and be setting yourself up for a well deserved lesson.If and when they separate, and she puts this behind her, if the time is right, and if it's meant to be, you two will be together.
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