A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please help me I'm in such a pickle.I'm currently in a relationship - I'm approaching the 1 year mark so it's still early days but we both moved very quickly and things were rapidly serious.We've had our ups and downs as most couples do but once I saw a fews texts from him to another girl - being very flirty and he had her to stay without telling me. After that it's been going down hill.Not to be shallow but since being with him he's put on about 2 stone - he works in an office and doesn't have an activity to get him fit - honestly I think he's a bit lazy. And I'm starting to not find him attractive anymore - although I love him.I went away for a couple of weeks and whilst I was away he acted very strangely. He'd get very upset if I couldn't call him and was going out and getting very drunk with his work friends. On my return the behaviour didn't change - he wanted to know what I was up to all the time and needed reassurance almost every day that I wasn't going to leave him and that I still loved him.Over the last couple of weeks since I've been back he has been smothering me. He gets jealous if I can't see him and he wants to be with me every night. If I don't text back to him he'll send another 5 and get angry if I don't give him an immediate response. Today - he practically accused me of seeing someone else because apparently my behaviour with him is up or down. Well yes that's correct because sometimes when he's calm I love being around him - but when he gets needy I don't want to be anywhere near him.He's pushing me away and I don't know what to do. I tried to address this and he said I was the one being childish ... sure.We were meant to move in together on the 1st July - to be honest I always thought since being back that it was too soon. I think this reaffirms it. I love him and I want to work through this but I don't know how much more I can take.What can I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): He has major insecurity issue, I would be afraid that as time went on and you did move in with him that this would only get worse.first of all I would prospone, moving in with him, tell him you need time. Lay down ground rules, tell him you need your own space, your an individual and respect that he needs his own space too.Second; Tell him that your not going to tolerate, this insecure behaviour, and that eventually you will get tired of this as its only going to drive you away from him. Be firm but fair, by telling him your in love with him show him that he can trust you and that you would never hurt him..etc..Finally, if his behaviour doesnt change within 3mnth aftr having done all the above, well you will have to accept this is who he is...a manipulative, possessive guy and steer clear, because this guy will eventually only mess with your head and drag you down until you are mentally worn out.All the best.x
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