A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship with a girl for the past 5 years and so and we have never had sex.now my girlfriend says she wants to have sex as all her friends have already done it more than once.i said that she might get accidentally pregnant .so now she is forcing me to marry her as she wants to have kids urgently.i have a career to look after and earn properly first.but at the same time i cant imagine being with some other girl as i have shared the best moments of my life with her. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2010): If you do intend on marrying her - then tell her it has be the RIGHT TIME in every way, NOT just because she wants babies urgently..God, that already shows an emotional immaturity on her behalf, whilst you are trying to carve out a career for yourself, and perhaps her, if you decide you both fit together well.
At 18-21 she has loads of time to become a mother and have babies, wanting to rush it, as you indicate would put me off, and I'm female. She needs to concentrate on herself too, education, expanding mentally, growing up, before she gets married or has children, marriage and babies is NOT an automatic next step you know because you're dating, it must be and ONLY BE something you feel is right after lots of time together - and although you have been together five years, that is ONLY in whilst you are both so young you have hardly grown into adults yet.
And you don't get accidently pregnant by having sex, you get pregnant because you DON'T take precautions, condoms, the pill etc. So if you intend on having sex, ensure you USE protection, don't be pushed into something, marriage and babies by HER becoming pregnant intentionally or otherwise.
Babies are only babies a very short time..matter of weeks, they then become demanding mini-adults who need a lifetime of dedication and responsibility..so think very carefully about what you may be getting into.
Jilly
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 November 2010):
 How about a compromise? Getting engaged, and setting a date a few years from now. Within that time you get to earn more money, and even she will understand the importance of money when establishing a family. Compromise and communicate. You do want to marry her, just not right now.
And your girlfriend will not get pregnant if you use protection, birth control pills and condoms and you will be safe. Of course, if she has told you she wants a child now I would be careful with having sex with her as she could be tricking you into getting her pregnant by tampering with the protection/ lie to you about being on the pill.
If I were you I'd not have intercourse with her, but do oral sex instead for example, or anal, to make sure she wont get pregnant yet.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (13 November 2010):
 So just tell her that you wish to progress slowly. Let her know that whilst you do intend to marry her (assuming you do), you have to ensure that your future together will not be hindered by problems that can still be prevented now.
I hope that helps.
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