A
male
age
41-50,
*onqueror36
writes:Ok, so i've dated my gf for almost 2 years now. Only people that know we're in a relationship is her family but not her friends. I asked her why she doesn't want other people to know about our relationship and she said that if we break up she doesn't want other people to know that she's in a relationship so that no one will think badly of her. Even on facebook she doesn't want to friend me because he think I might be spying on her and stuff but she friend her ex. We currently live together. We're asian btw. Is this relationship good? or should I just break up with her
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 September 2012):
 I would not bother to salvage anything, if I were you.
If a woman can stay 2 years without ever mentioning, oh btw I 've got two kids, she is capable ( and used to ) hide anything and lie about anything. How can you trust her anymore, and how can a relationship survive without any trust ?
Plus, I can't be sure because I am not an immigration lawyer, but something smells so very fishy in her story.
I wish somebody would explain me how can she file immigration papers and bring over to the States a DIVORCED husband - when it is already so long and complicated to bring over a still legally wedded spouse .
And the kids ? As a legal resident of USA she may be entitled to reunite with her under 18 children- but if they are Vietnam residents and their father has FULL custody, if she brings them out of their country without the father's signed consent- , wouldn't that be international kidnapping for their country ?
A
male
reader, Conqueror36 +, writes (25 September 2012):
Conqueror36 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI tried to do some stuff with her, but in the end I just can't bring myself to do that to someone I love. i had a talk with her and found out she's divorced him. The thing is he has custody of the two children and she has to get him here to the US so that he and the two children can come as well. She said that the father isn't a good person that's why she divorced him and that I'm the only person who truly loves her. She said there's nothing between her and her ex-husband. Is this relationship salvageable? I know deep down she loves me, and care for me, as do I.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2012): Dont do anything stupid, revenge will lead you to more pain indeed. just dump her and never look back, be mean even if you want to, but sending over nude pics and a sex video on FB? not classy my friend. just let go. Karma will get her, dont worry.
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A
male
reader, Conqueror36 +, writes (24 September 2012):
Conqueror36 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI haven't been able to sleep and I got tests coming and can't concentrate with my studies at all. I want her to feel the pains that I feel and sending a photos of her nude with me to her husband in vietnam so that I can ruin her relationship as she has mine. I asked her about her husband before and she said there was nothing between him and her and that she only dated with him for 3 months and never did anything intimate with him. That's why I believe she was a virgin when we first had sex. But now I know all of these are lies and it anger me greatly.
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A
male
reader, Conqueror36 +, writes (24 September 2012):
Conqueror36 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSO in these few days I can confirm with a 99.9% certainty that she has a husband back in Vietnam. I just can't believe I've been fool for these past 2 years without knowing. Even her family member here in the US doesn't even tell me about it. I found where she has hidden immigration paper for her husband and 2 kids. When we first have sex she was bleeding so I thought she was a virgin, but now it's probably just she tricked me into having sex with her on her period. Now I'm really mad. I just want revenge on her. Most likely her husband back in Vietnam doesn't know about us.
I haven't told her what I know yet. I've set up camera that captures us naked together without showing my face and a video of us having sex. Do you guys think I should go ahead and post it on her facebook to let all her friends in vietnam know? This will devastate her marriage I bet and it will make me feel good for what she has done to me.
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A
female
reader, nat1972  +, writes (22 September 2012):
 Hi,
The only sensible thing I can find why she wouldn't want her friends to know if its some kind of religion purpose. But, it sure doesn't make sense. Have you asked her straight out why doesn't she want her friends to know. Hmmm, does sound odd to me! She doesn't sound like she is being straight up with you. Sorry to say, It also sounds to me like she is hiding something.
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A
male
reader, Conqueror36 +, writes (21 September 2012):
Conqueror36 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHer family knows about us but her friends here in the US and in Vietnam don't know about us, they just think she's single. There's even one time we this guy friend ask her to go to a club with him and came back at 6 am. This was done behind my back while I was letting her burrow my car so that I was repairing hers. That's the incident that really makes me question our relationship.
Now I'm just paranoid at everything she does. She said there was nothing between them and that she didn't sleep with him. I told her she can't communicate with him anymore and she agree to that. SO tell me what're the chances that she didn't sleep with this guy?
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A
female
reader, Lucky786  +, writes (21 September 2012):
 A 2 year secret? Wow. Usually when people are in a relationship they want EVERYONE to know about it so I'm not sure why she wants to keep you a secret? Unless she is keeping her options open?
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A
male
reader, Conqueror36 +, writes (21 September 2012):
Conqueror36 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, a little more info. She just moved here about 3 years ago to the US. She's from Vietnam. She won't make our relationship public to her friends back in Vietnam at all and we even have an arugument about it. It's possible that she still have a significant other back in Vietnam and don't want me to find out?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2012): This doesn't sound right atall. I don't understand why she doesn't want people to know she is in a relationship, also how have you coped for 2 years? It sounds like she is hiding something. I personally don't think you're relationship is good, a relationship Is about trust and by the sounds of it there is none. she's able to have exes on Facebook but you aren't. abit unfair. I'd say leave her, it may break your heart but i honestly think it is for the best! Good Luck
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 September 2012):
 umm honey at your age that's a "crock of poo"
she's hiding something...
if you have to ask total strangers if the relationship is good the answer is no.
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