A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Alright guys. I have a boyfriendish thing. We're currently on it's complicated. But this isn't about him. It's about one of my guy friends..So we met at work. We hung out once and he ended up getting me to smoke weed for the first time with him. But that's besides the point. So from that day on he'd always take me with him to smoke with him and his friends, who soon became my friends. We all worked together. Anyways. Slowly I gained a crush on him and I thought he started liking me too. We'd flirt, he'd make subtle sexual jokes, blah blah. Then I don't remember how it happened but we were drunk as hell and ended up on our friend's bed cuddling and holding hands. Then pretty much every time we'd hang out we were always paired up by our friends and we'd always be next to eachother, laying down by eachother, it was nice. We hung out sometimes outside of the group, like I took him to Sea World for his first time, and he put his arm around me like once when we were walking, once at the penguin exhibit and once at the Shamu stadium. Anyways, so then I told our closest friend that I really liked him but had no idea what he thought of me. Well he went on telling me that he thought there was something there but that he was jealous of my f**k buddy I had and didn't want to pursue anything cause of that. So I stopped seeing the buddy, and eventually one night our friend told him to come over and that we needed to talk. So he put us in his room and left. I talked to my crush and he said he didn't want a relationship and kind of left me incredibly confused. We went on doing what we were, whatever we were. Then a few times I stayed the night at his place, coming over at like one or two in the morning. The first time it happened was like this, he was laying, I was sitting, I went to lay back and he rolled over on his side and wrapped his arm around me and we cuddled and fell asleep like that. Then it just became habit, if I layed down he just cuddled with me. Then one night I just got mad because lately he was always going to see the guys but never invited me, so I went on a bipolar (yeah, I'm bipolar) rampage and told him if he wanted to hang with me then he had my number. The next day I felt really bad and upset, but I went on a schpeel to our mutual friend about how bad I wanted him and I had blown off guys for months and dumped my boyfriend for him but nothing happened. I accidentally sent that to both of them. No reply from the crush. The next day we talked and texted a lil, like normal, but (before the message was sent) he had been talking to me less and less and we didn't hang that much at all. So I call our friend and say WHAT DO I DO? He talks to the crush and finds out he doesn't want to be with me and that he doesn't like me more than a friend....Well WTF have the past few months been about?!?!?HELP, PLEASE..
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at work, crush, drunk, flirt, jealous, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAs much as I hate to hear the answers, I know you guys are right. Thank you so much for the help. I know this will guide me in the right direction to move on. 3
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (14 June 2011):
 Affection does not always equal relationship.
He LIKES you and he has made that clear. But, not ENOUGH to be your boyfriend.
Since he was jealous of the f*ck buddy, maybe he was hoping to be your "no strings attached" FWB?
If you want a relationship..this is not the guy to get it from.
Best Wishes.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): It's obvious he doesn't want to be with you and he told you as much. Guys like flirting and physical attention from girls but that is separate from wanting a relationship with them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): I know that all has probably been very hard for you and everything but what if he wanted to just be friends with you but didnt know how to go about it without hurting you? ive kind of been doing the same thing to a guy i work with i hang out with him and we flirt alot and get close and i could see where he would think it was leading to something but really i just cant be with him but i dont want things to change or be weird between us. So that might be a reason he would do that also i cant decided if i actually like this guy maybe he couldn't decided if he wanted to be with you which is completley unfair to you.
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A
male
reader, mrg123  +, writes (14 June 2011):
 Heya,
I like the way you slip naturally into self-defining your relationship by Facebook categories!
Anywayyyyy to your problem. I think you scared him off basically, I think the whole f**k buddy thing said you probably weren't into commitment - at least thats going on your friends view that there was something there. You have to remember this point, part of your sense of disappointment is yes, because this guy acted in an affectionate way but its also because of what your *friend* said and it sounds very much to me like they were guessing.
Really what we are left with is trying to determine if your friends very was accurate. I think what weighs in his favour is that your crush is obviously highly sensitive and a commitment kind of guy (this is why i can see the idea of you having had a fb putting him off). What argues against him is that, if we are being honest, your crush was not really behaving in a much more than really friendly away and the reason I say this is because he doesn't really seemed to have made any sexual advance on you. In that sense, id defend your crush but understand equally why you feel slighted and he was offering you more. Having said, since you weren't tied im a little surprised he didnt make a sexual advance if he wanted more.
Where does this leave you? I think it leaves you having to move on and write this one off. I don't see anything happening here no matter what happened in the past. Sorry. Good luck and take care :)X
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