A
male
age
36-40,
*owwhatdoido
writes:i am writing this looking for some advice on a life and relationship issue. i have been with my current girlfriend for about 2 1/2 years. we lived together for about six months. but in december of this past year, i decided to move out of the country and take a teaching position for about 6 months or so. my girlfriend obviously had some difficulty accepting my decision at first but she is a wonderful and supportive woman and ultimately decided to give me her love and support in this journey. it was our plan that we would stay together while im away and i would come back when i am finished with the job and things could go on for the two of us. i am six months into the teaching position with just over a month to go and i find myself extremely confused. i am at a crossroads because i am thinking that i might want to stay longer. (another year to be exact). if i decide to do that, i can not ask my girlfriend to continue to be with me, it just would not be fair. i know how hard this has been on the two of us and i know how much she misses me. me asking her to wait is entirely too selfish. so in turn, if i decide to stay, i think its safe to say that our relationship would have to end and i would have to let her move on. my confusion is in why i am feeling this way about wanting to stay longer and do some more traveling. one month ago, i couldnt wait to get home and today i cant help but think i need to stay and my journey is not over (im really starting to like the country im in). i have been getting short with her during our skype sessions and things have gotten really difficult as of late. i told her in as few words as possible how im feeling lately and she freaked out. i told her that it was just confusion and i didnt mean it. i told her that it was just because it is the summer and things seem nicer. my question is whether or not you think it is just the summer and the nicer weather or if really, deep down, i need to continue on my journey. i think i really should stay but again, i just dont know because not long ago, i was ready to go home. she is a great girl and i truely believe someone would be lucky to have her let alone myself. why would i think about staying then? truth though, i cant stop thinking about it. i just dont want to make the mistake of staying if its just the weather (i have no idea what it is, weather or not). please help, as any insight is appreciated.
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male
reader, nowwhatdoido +, writes (15 June 2011):
nowwhatdoido is verified as being by the original poster of the questionunfortunately, it would not be an option for her to come here. she is in a career of her own and is happy with it. that doesnt suggest that she wouldnt drop it for me, i just cant ask her to do that. i know shes doing great with her career choice and making great money with a lot of room for advancement. she is into her 30s and is wanting to settle down more and head towards a family life. i just cant say for certain that is what i want at this point in time. i know i want that, just not sure if now is the best time for me. i really just dont know. i really appreciate all of your responses. making difficult decisions is just that, difficult. i know i love this girl but i feel like i have such a unique opportunity in front of me and i am a little hard pressed to pass it up. again, i was and am only scared that i would be letting something go that i might regret later. someone asked if i could go home first to see how i feel before i sign another contract. unfortunately, that is not an option either. i would have to sign the contract while i am here. i could go home and see her before i started the new contract though.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): Hi
I always think that love has such a pull that it can not be denied, even if you fight it, your pulled back.
Is it possible that she could try to come to where you are? would this answer your question, how would you feel?
You obviously have a bigger pull to stay at the moment.
Could she come over for a short break? or can you take a break and go to her, before renewing any contract?
To see something more clear,you have to be away from it or you don't see it as clear.
good luck
spunky monkey
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A
female
reader, iloveblue  +, writes (14 June 2011):
 Ok, so you want to understand why you are feeling this way in spite of knowing that this is a great girl but it's like you want to stay instead.
To be honest, this is the trouble with long distance relationships. I am working overseas myself and luckily have not left behind someone. However, this kind of story is very common among people who work overseas. I cannot count how many times I heard people breaking up because of the distance. Even married people are not immune. I have witnessed affairs coz the spouse is left in the home country and it is lonely out here.
The thing is, you have to admit that your life began unfolding which doesn't include her anymore. Her physical absence also contributed to what you feel right now. I mean, you got used without her. IMS or chats may help but not close enough to the physical presence of a person. I will not be surprised if you even met someone in your current location now.
Therefore, the reason why you feel this way, and you might be in denial for now is because your love for her is slowly fading because of the distances. I mean, she's a great girl, so why don't you want to go home if she's a great girl?
The aunts here are right, why not ask her if she can join you or ask her if she could wait..try first for a solution. If her answer is no to any of the above, then it is time to break up with her. This is life.
Good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, xchloelogan  +, writes (14 June 2011):
I think that long distant relationships never last long, don't get me wrong you both seem like you are trustworthy considering the distance between you's, but you are right in saying you don't think you could continue if you stayed for another year.
Why don't you ask her to move over to where you are? You never know there could be a career for her aswell which would benefit her?
Otherwise, i'd make a trip to wherever she is because there is nothing worse than being told over a computer that it is over.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): Well...I was the same thing...but I took a decision and I am proud....I decided stay longer...now I have a career here and a new and exciting life...If you are not ready to do a commitment whit someone else DO NOT DO IT. Give yourself at opportunity before it. Don't feel guilty about it. That's the life.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 June 2011):
 have you asked her if she's willing to wait another year?
I know with my LDR that we WANT to be together NOW but it's just not an option now.... (thankfully we can see each other most weekends)... but KNOWING that there is an end in sight makes it bearable.
Maybe she's willing to wait and you need to not push your feelings on her....
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A
female
reader, zebralove +, writes (14 June 2011):
 Well, would she be able to go there with you?
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