A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:It's been a long time since I've felt like a giddy school girl with a crazy, unexplainable crush. But yet, here I am.. Unfortunately, this guy and I have a long roller coaster history, I've had feelings for him since day one, but there has always been an obstacle stopping us. But we seem to be getting into a pattern now... we become close, he admits to his feelings, I take a bit longer to, but as soon as I do, something changes, he does something ridiculously moody that pisses me off, then we're back to square one. We're perfect together when we're ignoring whatever it is thats preventing us being together, but as soon as we get the urge to confront our feelings- it all falls apart. I don't know what to do anymore. I know what comes next for me... that frustration and anger, so I'll want nothing to do with him, tell myself I'm better off without this drama... and then in a couple of weeks something will make me miss him like crazy, I'll text/call him, and we'll go back to happy friends who are not-so-secretly crushing on each other who just ignore their feelings. BUT now we have the biggest obstacle. He's moved overseas. Quite literally, the otherside of the World. Our last confrontation consisted of him saying "Was it wrong of me to go? I wouldn't have, if I knew I could have had a chance with you. I can be back in two years etc" Me, on the other hand, I first knew he was going to move when we had another obstacle- I was seeing someone else- and when that fell apart, and I rediscovered my feelings for him again, I knew I could never ask him to stay. I don't believe in people holding you back from these opportunities, so that was the next obstacle... when he spilled his feelings before he left I couldn't do it. He was leaving in about three months and I didn't want to be the reason he didn't follow his dreams. I don't know, perhaps I have committment issues, but I do care about him, I just hate these circles. I hate this rollercoaster we go on all the time. And for the record, it's not always me making these obstacles... He's dated others as well. I guess what I'm asking, is what would anyone else do, and do I just try and stop the cycle and just treat him like a friend and not ever admit to feelings again, or do I spill everything- but what would that achieve??? That's my constant debate I'm having with myself at the moment... OK. That's it. Any thoughts would be appreciated :)
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female
reader, SLH  +, writes (5 April 2010):
I have a very similar problem with a guy. I have been in love with him since I met him 3 years ago. We are BEST friends and we tried dating and things got awkard cuz we tried too hard. We were able to go back to being best friends and are closer than ever. Recently we started getting very intimate and going out, but without any labels. Problem: He's moving in 12 weeks, and I have to stay here to finish my last year of school. I'm not sure what to do either, but I believe for both of our situations that if it's meant to be, it will happen. Don't give up, because I know I'm not. He is the one for me, and it sounds like yours is too. We both stay on this roller coaster for a reason. Sorry I wasn't much help, but I wanted you to know you're not alone.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (5 April 2010):
This will not work. End of. Whenever I hear about 'on/off' and 'roller-coaster' relationships, I am always sure it won't work. This will lead nowhere, and the best thing that happened was him moving abroad because now you have a chance to end the problem once and for all by telling him it's over and cutting contact. There is no use in trying to make it work. It won't. Because this is how this relationship will forever be. He will come back, then someone will get a little scared, then someone will get angry and it'll fall apart again. You need to stop this and move on now.
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