A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HiI am having real problems forgetting my ex and getting my self-esteem back. We broke up in November last year, although he actually told me he didn't love me anymore in June of last year. But he said that he didn't know what he wanted, so anytime I tried to finish the relationship he kept drawing me back in (basically to use me). I'm pretty sure he was trying to find a new girlfiend during that time too as he was out and turning his phone off all the time, which he had never done before. Then at Christmas because he couldn't get home due to the snow he rekindled our relationship, and then made me go to Scotland (he is Scottish) with him (as he wanted to use my car as his didn't work) for new year, but as soon as we got there he totally ignored me the whole time. Then when we came back down to London he dumped me as soon as we arrived back at his!! He then met someone new and he didn't want to know me anymore at all. I know he is a cold-hearted user and he didn't truely love me - because I don't think real love even when it fades could treat someone the way he treated me. He is a selfish person and always wanted his own way and if he didn't get it he would get angry or sulk. So why do I miss such a jerk? I think the problem is, is that I had hopes of us getting married and having a family (which we had planned to do earlier in our relationship when he was nice to me), but which now that I am 41 don't seem possible anymore. So I have got really depressed about it all. Any thoughts or ideas on moving on would be appreciated, but I just feel so empty that any new guy I seem to meet I can't feel anything for. Gems,
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female
reader, kittykins +, writes (1 September 2011):
 I completely feel for you as I've been in a similar kind of situation. My best advice on moving forward is to focus completely on yourself and for you yourself to be selfish (for a change). I know it may be hard to be selfish and think of yourself after you've dedicated so much time and effort into that pathetic man. Onwards and upwards is the only way to go. Join social groups, make new friends, hang with your old ones. Enjoy life. Once you learn to love yourself, you will love your life and eventually the day will come when you look back and think "What on earth did I see in him??". Try not to dwell on thoughts of him, as these negative thoughts only fester within you and make you feel terrible. Keep your mind occupied and keep busy.The cardinal rule I feel is to sever all contact with this man. Do NOT answer his texts/calls if he starts hassling you. I know it sounds cliche, but time really is a healer. Have patience, you WILL get there in the end. And when you're least expecting it, you will meet someone lovely, someone that actually deserves a person like you. Good luck dear xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2011): I think a major problem here is the fact that you think that at age 41 you are incapable of finding love and/or getting married. Hence you sticking with a guy who treated you like dirt for so long coz maybe you were afraid that you wouldnt find anything better. I would assume that that is the reason why you are still pining for the guy coz deep down you think that that is as good as it gets! And truth be told thats not true! You can find love at any age and any time provided that you have all the right tools in place, that being your self-esteem together, sense of self-worth and self-love that you will not compromise for anyone or for anything least of all some guy who doesnt even deserve your attention let alone your affections. Take this time out to focus on yourself, to build yourself up and heal before diving into another relationship out of fear of lonely. Best of luck to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2011): You put a lot of emotional input into this relationship so it is hard to accept that all your hopes have come to nothing. The fact that he is rather an unpleasant man as it turns out makes it worse. Reject is hard to get over. The pain of being discarded is one of the hardest aspects as it hits your self esteem. You will get over him though, but accept that it will take time. Be kind to yourself. Fill your empty time with things you enjoy. Time really is the best healer, an old saying but true.
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A
female
reader, babyghost +, writes (1 September 2011):
It may sound corny but you will meet someone. Its hard getting over a jerk whioch is so silly but if you loved him and you cared for him it will take time. im 7 months on from a manipulating jerk and i still miss him which is stupid as to what he did. All you can do is to surround yourself with your friends, family and this may sound strange but try dating - try the e harmony website, a few "good" dates and you may meet your guy that treats you aas you should be treated.
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