A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi there,I may sound rather childish but I can't help feelign this way. I'm getting married and have lived at home all my life - with mom and dad - and now will be moving in with my husband after the wedding. I have mixed feelings about this considering I have never moved out of the house before - and this will be forever(?) maybe? I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that as of now, I'm feeling like I've got the "empty nest" syndrome though it's me that is feeling it and not my parents. I think part of it is I'm going to miss the comfort and familiarity of my room, the house, every nook and cranny that I love and am so used to when coming in from work or wherever it is that I'm coming in from. I love the layout of the house, the awesome view of the ocean and mountains and the city. I can't think of living anywhere else but my soon to be husband is unable to buy a home like that - not with the money we're making from our work. He says one day we will...but as they say, there's no place like home!I think part of it is that my sister and her husband (with whom I don't really care for too much) and their kids (4 of them) and they are the only grandkids - are going to move in once I move out. I just can't stand that he will be living in that house acting like it's his house and that they may inherit the house one day. The last time they lived with us (and that was when they only had 2 kids), they put holes in the wall, dirtied the carpet with stains that couldn't come out, and they were constantly yelling and arguing with each other that the police had to come down because someone called (mom and dad were on a trip at that time and after that experience they begged me not to tell anyone) and expected us to watch the kids when they wanted to go out all night or fly out to another town for a weekend without giving us notice. He also lied about making payments on a loan that he had my parents cosign with him and my sister. They didn't make any payments for months and that cost my parents auto insurance to die and the mortgage to go into bankruptcy. It's just not fair that they would end up with the home - our family home. My brother in law is a talker that he can talk anyone into going into business with him. That's how he lost their house because of a bad business deal. If he gets ahold of this house, I just know it'll go belly up. My parents - specifically mom said she wouldn't let them come back because of the damages they made before they moved out, but because of the now 4 grandchildren (yes all of my sister's...she adopted the one girl who's a cutie and is well loved but she knew well enough they couldn't afford to raise them because she doesn't have a job either) she's letting them move in. I understand that, but does their dad have to move in too? I'm sorry, little sarcastic humor there. Anyway, I know I'm being selfish considering my sister doesn't have work, has four kids and two dogs to feed, pay the rent each month (they rented a town house), don't have a car that's in good condition, and some cousins who found out about what he did to my parents no longer welcome him that much as they did when they first all met, and his family doesn't like him because of how he's treated them. Even his sister told me how she felt about him. His brother didn't invite him to his wedding and only found out about it thru the phone that he was getting married. Figuratively speaking, no one likes him much. I know we should always be nice to our neighbors and family but what if he's the one causing problems? I feel bad for him yet at the same time... Am I the only one that feels this way? I hope to eventually feel differently once I move in with my husband. It is his and it's a two bedroom condo. He said that I can decorate the condo any way I want as long as he thinks it's okay too. But other than that, I have full reign over how to decorate. He's making every accomodation to make it a home.
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female
reader, Orbiter  +, writes (1 April 2011):
I can understand how big a change it must be for you but at the end of the day you should be worrying more about your own long term happiness than the state of the house. I can see why you would be attached seeing as you've lived there for so long but it's an inanimate object and shouldn't really mean as much to you as the person you're marrying.I'm not sure if you mean you are or would actually consider calling it all off purely for the reasons you mentioned but if so I'd have to ask how happy are you in your relationship? You don't really mention that.It may be a difficult topic but if you think your sister's husband is that unreliable then have a good talk with your mother about it and see what she says. Also try to speak to her about her will. Get legal advice if necessary. Is it possible for you and your husband to afford future mortgage payments if the house was left to you?It doesn't have to be forever if you move in with your husband and it doesn't work. If your mother still owns the house and you're close, she'd probably let you come back but obviously your sister, her husband and children will be there.
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