A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend of 2 years had an account with a webcam live porn site late last year and i freaked out about it saying its like cheating so he told me he wouldnt use it anymore. I told him I dont mind him looking at regular porn and that i just dont like that he can communicate with these girls and tell them what to do. i love him and i have no doubts that he loves me but i had a gut feeling something was up and looked at his email account and found out that he has just set up an account with another one of these sites. am i over-reacting?? is it like cheeting or is this just porn to him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): to anonymous its not just looking at a screen.. its interacting with these women that are on webcam doing whatever he should ask.. thats a little personal and should be kept within the relationship porn is different you cant talk with the stars in chat and tell them what to do..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): Cheating? Sorry but I really don't think so. How on earth is looking a computer screen cheating? Next thing we'll know will be just thinking about another woman will be concidered cheating...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2011): In an exclusive relationship there are certain things you do with your partner that no one else gets to do. Thats what makes the intimate life exclusive and special and its pretty much still fundamental to all happy relationships. Fundamental in the sense that its the bed rock or foundation of an 'exclusive' relationship.
Some people accept porn and feel its ok to look at images and if you both agree, thats fine. Others feel its a form of cheating and thats fine too. As long as both partners are in agreement either way. Then there isnt a problem.
But your partner has gone one step further than just viewing porn. These women are actively participating with him in real terms and he is engaging in sexual acts with them. That is different to either being totally exclusive or exclusive and watching porn. Hes paying them and contacting them to do as he tells them for his sexual gratification. Theres a big difference between that and watching his 'favourite' dvd.
How you deal with this progression is totally up to you. Either it is cheating in your eyes or it isnt. Only you can decide. Personally i would feel it was cheating if my partner did it. Ive just asked his opinion for the record. And hes said he would view it as cheating if i did it too. But thats our opinions. Its your opinion that matters because its your relationship and your partner thats doing it.
If nothing else, i would be concerned that despite him knowing how unhappy it made you before. And despite him telling you he wouldnt do it. He has gone behind your back and done it anyway. That is not making him look very trustworthy. If it is really bothering you, it might be an idea to ask if he has anything he needs to tell you regarding his online activities.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2011): 1990rebecca-thank you for your advice. i guess it is just porn to men i just hate the fact that they can communicate with each other.. i cant talk to him about it because i looked at his email without consent so i have no way to explain how i know :( I know that im the only one he wants and that he would never cheat on me so i guess ill just have to trust that. I guess he and i just have different outlooks with the whole thing :( MEN !!! lol
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (1 April 2011):
 It's interacting with someone sexually, I think most women would consider that cheating. How bad it is compared to porn depends on who he's chatting with. If he's chatting with women not in the sex industry, then that's completely different from chatting with women who are paid to do this.
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A
female
reader, 1990rebecca  +, writes (1 April 2011):
I don't think it's an over reaction because from a womans point of view its very personal to do things like that with someone.To guys it is just porn, it's took me a long time to get that but that's all it is to them, some naked chick doing dirty things. (Remember that's her job and she does shows with many different people)I would re establish your feelings with him about it and depending on his reply it's upto you what you do, but stay true to yourself and be happy. :)
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