A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid friends, help! I have been dating my fiance for 7 years. We are supposed to get married in May. He knows I already have trust issues with him. Well the other morning I looked at his phone and to my shock he had texted some other girl and called her beautiful. Im absolutly devastated! I woke him up screamin and crying. He said he messed up and it well never happen again. He still wants to get married. I love him. I know he loves me. But what should I do? I feel so betrayed.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2013): Thank you again for the advice. Its not always easy to hear but I feel better. I still have a lot of deciding.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 February 2013):
 I would not marry him. calling off a wedding is much easier than getting a divorce.... both are painful and expensive... and embarrassing.... so you have to decide which pain you are going to have...
there is flirting with friends for fun or to be a dog... which is he doing... fun flirting for ego strokes (there is innuendo but no OVERT sexual comments) or flirting to see if he can get something stroked (either his ego or his genitalia)
if you don't trust him now, a wedding ring and a piece of paper is not going to change that.
I flirt with friends in front of my hubby.... friends laugh, and so does hubby; but my flirting makes it very clear I'm not flirting to hit on them or have sex with them or date them... it's just fun and games.....
I will also tell you his words are cheap... "I'll never do it again" is code for "i'll do my best to not get caught doing it again" usually. My ex husband was a huge rabid texter with other women.... and some of it was inappropriate and over the top.... the thing was he was fine with it as long as I was not doing it... my not doing it meant he was enough for me.... the second I added my own "boy toy" to the mix he lost it and could not cope.... well he needed the ego strokes of other women apparently because while he loved me... he didn't love me enough... and he had low self-esteem... I do not know if he's doing it to his new wife, but I would not doubt it....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 February 2013):
 You two shouldn't get married this these trust issues are resolved. It's that simple. Starting a "new" life ans man and wife shouldn't be filled with old issues.
Like Eddie said, do some pre-marital counseling. SORT this out. A ring on your ringer doesn't make old drama just magically go away. And it's silly to think everything will change and be perfect because you share some vows and I do's.
This isn't just him doing a random act, I'm guessing there is a whole lot more going on as to WHY you still have trust issues and why he is STILL doing things to make it even harder for you to trust.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2013): Thanks for the advice. I dont know what to do. I keep finding out more stuff.He flirted with a friend we had over new years eve. She thought I should know and just told me. I really dont know if I can ever fully trust him.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (25 February 2013):
 If you are having trust issues, why are you getting married and why have you invested 7 years in this man? Trust issues are usually resolved in the first 6 - 9 months of a relationship.
I am not sure what motivated your boyfriend to call another woman beautiful. He could've been cheering her up but more often than not, he was flirting inappropriately.
My guess is that if you have had trust issues and he has done this, there is something more going on in your relationship than what you are telling us. What has he done in the past that has tarnished your trust? And worse, why would you marry a man who you don't trust? At what point do you think he will be trustworthy -- in another 6 months? After 5 years of marriage? 10? What will he be up to when the sexual chemistry fades? You are also entitled to know what this other woman means to your boyfriend and who she is.
I suspect there is something else going on in your relationship that is even larger than this particular episode. I would encourage you to seek out pre-marital counseling -- even if you go by yourself. Perhaps a professional can help you see for yourself what is lurking behind this post.
While I wish I had a concrete answer for you, I think you are in need of some soul searching and you need to answer my questions above -- if only to yourself.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, ihavetoomanythoughts  +, writes (25 February 2013):
 I think you should try to resolve these trust issues before you get married to him, otherwise if something does happen after marriage then divorce will be messy :( Decide if you can ever fully trust him again. If not, then you have to leave him. If yes, then stay with him! But you also have to take into account how likely he is to break your trust. He sounds like he has before, and he has now, so you have to ask yourself if he's going to do it again. If he's broken your trust numerous times in the past, then it is possible that he will only continue to do so.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2013): In my personal experience guys usually lie when they say they will never do it again. BUT If you truly love him and you feel he loves you too then maybe you should give him another chance and hope for the best. . But I'd be careful about completely trusting him. Really ask yourself do you want to marry him? or even consider putting the weddning off for a while until you feel better. He may do it again in that case leave him. It's not worth the pain.
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