A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, thanks for reading this.I am a mother of 1 in my 30's Getting married next year but all I can think about is my ex!! We were together 10 years ago for 8 years and haven't seen each other much since! Our parents are friends and we have a few of the same friends! I hear when he's down in the dumps etc and I just want to turn up at his door, tell him after all this time I still ache for him! I know it's not fair in my fiancé :(It's driving me mad! I keep thinking what if......HELP please!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2012): I'll agree with most of the other posts, but realize that you will always carry the memories of those lost. I was with someone for 20 years, the relationship died, I moved on and I'm getting married in a month to someone so much better for me. But I too have longings for the past. But here's the thing...I realized the longings were for my ex-life, not my ex-wife. Right life, wrong person. It's hard to let go of someone when so many memories are built around them. But you have to learn to separate the life you had from who you both are now. If you've been apart a decade, you are NOT the same people you were. You can't go back. There is no rewind button in life. You are were you are for a reason. Yes, sort out your feelings, but don't assume that means having a "last shot" at your ex. That's not likely to happen. Embrace what gifts and blessings you had, but also those you have now.
A
male
reader, DunKair  +, writes (29 April 2012):
Does your fiancee know about this? Why put yourself in a marriage that is based on lies from the start? If you love your fiancee, do him a favor and tell him about your feelings for your ex. Maybe you should visit your ex before you get married and sort this out. You don't want to get married, then have your ex turn up at your door saying they ache for you. See if your ex has any feelings for you, and make a decision. Who would you prefer, your fiancee, or your ex?
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A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (28 April 2012):
 I am going to agree with most of the other answerers here and say it is very unfair to your fiancée to marry him while you obviously still have feelings for your ex.
However, I think you need to ask yourself for how long you've been thinking about your ex. Is this something new or has it always been with you?
If it is something new, perhaps it is pre-wedding nerves. A lot of times right before getting married we wonder if we are making the right decision. For some people, their inner fears try to ruin a good thing: it is all about fear. Are your reflections about your past trying to sabotage your future?
If this is something that has always been in the past, then I think it deserves further exploration. Why do you still think of him, even after 10 years? Is there any chance you could get back together? Is he the father of your child?
Your question doesn't reveal too much about yourself and your history. I would encourage you though to sort out your feelings -- potentially with a trusted friend or counselor -- before getting married. You and your confident will be able to determine whether what you are feeling is truly unrequited love or your head trying to ruin a good thing out of fear.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Thisiscrazy  +, writes (28 April 2012):
 Don't get married until you sort your feelings out towards your ex. If you have any love for your fiancé you will tell him how your feeling and sort yourself out because it's not fair to drag him down and hurt him because your confused Do the right thing and protect your fiancé from being hurt
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A
female
reader, Smiley77  +, writes (28 April 2012):
 dont jump into something if your not ready first resolve your issues with your ex before you make your life more complicated and get yourself or someone else hurt
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2012): I think you need some kind of closure otherwise you are going to take this with you into the future with your fiancée. Suggest meeting up with you ex to talk about things and see if there is anything there. You owe it to yourself to move on if the relationship with your ex is stone dead. There is a risk of course, you may feel rejected if he rebuffs you. So weigh things up - somehow you need to draw a line so you can go on and be happy.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (28 April 2012):
 Tell your ex how you feel... dont marry somebody just for the sake of it.
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A
female
reader, Basschick +, writes (28 April 2012):
 Better get it out of your system then. You may find once the old b/f opens the door the former spark will be gone. People change. Maybe you just need to see that. And if you do still have feelings for him, better to pursue those feelings now instead of getting married and living a lie. That for sure would not be fair to your fiance.
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A
female
reader, ToHereKnowsWhen +, writes (28 April 2012):
 No, it's not fair on your fiancé. However, if you don't front up and confess your feelings towards your ex, this won't be fair on you and in the long run this could poison the relationship you currently have with your fiancé.
If you feel so strongly towards your ex, then you need to get that out of your system before you marry. Do it just like you said: turn up on his doorstep and tell him. Just make sure that if you really want to marry your fiancé, these feelings towards your ex must be finished.
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