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male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hi people,I have a concern I'd like to get input on. I'm 18-22 and a virgin; I was about to have sex several times after making out but every time I couldn't get a full erection, or of I did, it fell off quickly..I just didn't seem to be that turned on. So it was too weak and I couldn't get it in (I was on top, if that means anything).however, after making out for a longer time, with her rubbing against me, I came, but again not necessarily with a (full) erection.Coming relatively early and not managing to get it up well are both opposite of what I want..it seems trying to get more horny in an attempt to get it up would make me come earlier too..?In all cases she didn't go down on me.. before I tried getting it in.. should I ask her to do that? I imagine that would help.. but this shouldn't be necessary, right? How abnormal is this? Any help?Thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009): I think that's what I'll try, in addition to some of the earlier tips. Thank you, everyone, for taking the time to respond to me.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009): Every human has an arousal template, it seems yours is a little messed up. I suggest you try abstaining from porn and masturbation for a month and try sex again...see if that helps :)
p.s. if you find you can't do this, you may have an addiction to porn, which does mess with guys labidos.
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A
female
reader, empop  +, writes (18 November 2009):
You know, I've taken quite few virginities in my time (4) and your problem isn't actually that uncommon - even a few of the more experienced guys I know have lost their erections with me at some point, or come early. (And it's not that I'm freaky, I confided in a friend of mine who is smoking hot about this and she told me that sometimes guys had that problem with her too.)
What I think it actually is is nerves. When guys get nervous they often lose their erections. Then, things often go badly - the girl gets self conscious because she thinks she's not hot enough, the guy gets embarrassed because he can't get it up, and so on. You have to stop this cycle.
Just explain to your girlfriend, or whoever, that you're a little nervous and you think she's gorgeous but your nerves are interfering with your performance a bit. Having her go down on you may help, but you can also have her go down on you after you put on the condom (if it's not spermicidally lubricated). Or, if that's gross, just get some lube in your hand and touch yourself until you're hard.
Also, having some lube on hand can make insertion a bit easier. If you can get a slightly soft penis into her vagina, you'll probably find you get hard again a few thrusts after that.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (18 November 2009):
 It may be more complex than we can advise here, based on the unverified response, but certainly too much pornography could possibly screw anybody up in regard to having normal heterosexual relations.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009): Thanks a lot for the response. To be honest, I'm the kind of guy that's just laid back.. In bed, I don't really feel anxious, but for lack of better words, I think I'm just not very impressed.. just don't seem to be able to get turned on as much, and when I do, it can pass very quickly. The girl(s) I'm with are definitely attractive though.
I don't have any trouble during masturbation, you're correct..and I seem to get turned on more by taking off a girl's clothes than when she's undressed.
I know this sounds silly and trivial, but I consider this a real issue that really bothers me because if I can't do anything about this, I just won't be able to have a relationship with any girl..
On a seemingly relevant note, when I watch sexual material while masturbating, I usually go straight for group/orgy action because 1on1 content doesn't turn me on nearly as much...
Am I just sick in my mind? Am I just too gone to be pleased by simple 1 on 1 sex? Should I try to masturbate rarely and watch mild material to condition myself?
Thanks so much for the help, any ideas are much appreciated. I really dont know what to do to help myself
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (18 November 2009):
Well, that's a bit unusual at your age. Could be nerves, in other words, you may be so uptight about it, especially after several failed or unsatisfactory attempts, that you are obsessed with this so-called erection problem.
Honestly, assuming that you are a reasonably healthy young male, and supposing that you have had some success masturbating, then your problem is very likely an anxiety about it, which tends to compound. Societal, religious and other issues may affect a young man's performance, including fear.
Fears may include anxiety about causing unwanted pregnancy, failure to please or perform, getting caught, contracting disease or most anything related. Stress can also be a mental factor. Otherwise, yes, you may consider asking your girlfriend to apply some oral stimulation to "get you up," but you still have to "keep" it up. Let us know if any advice has helped.
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