A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I went away in May with my girlfriend and her Dad. I'm 18 and so is my girlfriend. Her Dad invited a 42 year old friend and her son and she brought along a 31 year old friend and her two kids. The friend with two kids is very attractive and talked with me often throughout the holiday. I'm a friendly guy and chatted back with her. My girlfriend thought we were both flirting and grew jealous. This caused many arguments throughout the holiday. After the holiday my girlfriend continued the be jealous over this woman even though we would not see each other again. I did find this woman attractive but remained loyal to my girlfriend and ignored the attraction. I have recently split up with my girlfriend and I'm very down about this. However I have got into contact with the 31 year old woman. We have met up a few times and been out for lunch together. Nothing intimate just as friends. We both had a few drinks one night and ended up kissing nothing more. We both enjoyed it and talked about how much we like each other. The only problem is the age gap. I can see myself being with this woman for the rest of my life as she is the nicest most caring person in the world. However there are problems with this as there are in every situation. I dont know how either of our family's would take the news of this making me think is it not such a good idea? Also she has 2 kids. I adore kids and would like my own one day but I'm not sure they would approve of me. Another problem is my ex girlfriend. The news would break her heart and I still have feeling for her though I accept that the relationship is well and truly over. Please could someone advise me on what I should do in this situation and perhaps ways to get over the hurt all this is causing me? Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): I agree with 'danielepew'. There's nothing you can do about hurting the ex, you've already done the thing that she was afraid of, so it's too late anyway. You had the class to try to make it work with her before even considering seeing the older lady, so you have done nothing wrong. The ex could find out what's happened even if you never saw the older woman again, so you might as well continue dating her if you so wish. Don't worry about others' opinions, you are both consenting adults.
It is true that you have to be careful with women who have children. You don't want to go too quickly because she might not be ready to let you be a part of their lives as soon as you think. However, older women are terrific because they have been through relationships with men before and understand how they think much better than younger women do. Older women are also much more sexually confident and more self-reliant.
And, no, she is not a perv for liking you. You are young, but you are not a kid. Besides that, it's perfectly legal! The first poster is talking as if you were a 12-year-old or something. Please! I am 35 myself and have dated much younger men (20 being the youngest) several times.
I can say that there is a definite appeal to younger men - yes, because of lack of baggage and erectile dysfunction, but also because of a positive attitude toward women. A lot of older guys are bitter or stuck on past relationships and can't seem to get past that stuff when someone new comes along. I guess that's under the baggage category, but most men don't see it that way. Many seem to think it's okay to be obsessed with an ex -- I'd rather have an 18-year-old any day. Enjoy yourselves!!
A
female
reader, Teacake  +, writes (10 November 2008):
 A 31 year old woman who seduces an 18 year old boy has serious problems. She is a pedophile and predictor. I'm sure you are a cool guy, good looking and all of that, but she knows a lot more about life and what she is doing is messing with your head. I'm not clear, do your parents know about this? No parent wants their children being taken advantage of by a manipulative adult. She is no one you want to be further involved with as she is going to mess up your life and your mind, and thats a fact.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (10 November 2008):
 Your ex-girlfriend was right in being jealous. I bet this 31-year old looks and is great. You noticed that, and, women being women, your ex noticed you had noticed way before you blinked your eyes. It is not by chance that, after you broke up with your ex, you were in contact with someone "you wouldn't see ever again". Not only did you see her, but you also met with her, had lunch, kissed, and are now thinking about being with her for the rest of your life, which is many years since you're 18.
Having been an 18 year old once, I am afraid that sexual attraction has a lot to do with your breaking up with your girl, first, and meeting with this woman, second. 31 year olds are great! Better than 18-year-olds because they know their way around!
I also know that 31 year old wanted you the minute she saw you. You know, attraction works both ways: you saw how great she is, and she saw you, too. Her mind reeled to those naughty thoughts of what she could do with that young, strong and willing young man who doesn't even have baggage (nor erectile dysfunction).
You're sure of what you think, but you need to be sure of what SHE has in mind. You know, if she's any responsible, and she needs to be since she has two kids and herself to look after, she needs to see you as a potential father. I know you're interested, but be very careful. All relationships start great and then some fail at the very beginning because the two parties are not that good a match for each other as they thought they were.
Go easy, and think straight.
As to your ex, the poor girl will be in pain. There is nothing you can do now. If you get involved with this woman more than you have, word will get out to her, and that's unavoidable. I'm happy to see you care for her, but I don't see how you could help her. Even if you don't have anything with the 31 year old, and I very much doubt you won't, you already broke up with her.
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