A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,I am a 26 male profisionnal successfu engineer and i still virgin because i think i am Gay and I actully have this feeling when I was 10 or 11, I only attracted sexually to men and I feel making sex with women is uncomfortable and i havent try it yet.the problem is that I dont want to accept the fact of being gay and i always deny it because it means in our community ( I am sick and if I have a relationship with a man it means "death sentence").I have four younger brothers and my famly means every thing to me. one of my brothers has the same problem ( we havent talk about it but I can feel it because I have been through it all). my parents are well educated and understanding but I am not sure in this case how can they accept that.I educated person and I know that being gay is not a choise but in my case it is really serious. my question is what if I get married to a women, can I will be faithfull to my wife? and if not, what can I do? extra info.I dont look Like gay sterotype but my freinds say that I am a bit soft and I some times act like girls because I care about my look and because my parents treat me very special. When i was in college my father found a gay porn clip in my loptop and i told him that I downloaded it by mistake and i didnt told him that i was curious about a gay sex and it was ok.
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male
reader, philip@u  +, writes (14 July 2010):
to Marry, to me means comitment. why marry some-one you dont want to be with. but if you love them and want both a sexual and social rel-ship go for it. Some ppl that marry have sex with other ppl together 3 somes, why not find someone that wouldn't mind adding a guy into the situation.I would recomend to have sex with a girl and then a guy.potection is always important.just to see witch one you really like. you cant really truely know until you try it. you may stilllike guys or you maybe bi, and a bisexual likes both.So they can either be with a guy or a girl.if you find out your gay relocate. you have a good job,so you have a lot of experience in that field, so its easy to get a new job in the same field some-where els? any ways good luck
A
female
reader, Wise Woman of the Forest +, writes (5 July 2010):
 If you were to marry a female, I would suggest a close female friend, who does know your secret. That way you love each other and are comfortable, but she would probably be accepting that you see other people. However, I wouldn't recommend it as a life of secrecy is more stressful than your current situation. If your community is not able to accept homosexuals, I would say to move to an area that is, perhaps with your brother if he is in the same situation. With your parents, they will love you whatever you chose to do, though it may be awkward. If the sex thing is awkward, it is mainly because you are new to it and if you decide to pursue your personal desires, finding a partner you are comfortable with. I'm sorry that you are in this position but I don't see that marrying a woman would be the right way to go about it. My friend has the same issue, but has managed to come out to his friendship circle, with exception to his family. (:
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys alot for your advices... I really appreciate it.
I havent said that (I attracted to men but I feel the sex thing is uncomfortable as well and I havent try it)
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (4 July 2010):
 Mate this is a hard situation for you and I really feel for you. I wouldn't get married if I were you. Better off to be alone and seek comfort in privacy than have to try and sneak around and deceive everyone.
As for your parents not accepting your choices don't underestimate the power of a parents love. They may not agree with your choices but in the long run their love for you will overcome their ideals.
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A
female
reader, NatureGirl +, writes (4 July 2010):
I have friends who have been in similar situations and it's not easy at ALL. I give my sincerest apologies for the stress you are under. As for being faithful to a woman, I really don't think that's a good idea. It's not fair to you or the girl. I have heard of it surprisingly, and some of the relationships end up very well if you are honest from the very beginning. But the best thing is probably to consider your options as to moving away from your city. It's all a matter of what you will regret most. And talk to some elderly people, they always say they wish they did more for themselves. Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 July 2010):
 If you believe you must get married to please your parents, or to keep off rumors, I would suggest you marry a lesbian who's also trapped like you, whose family is also everything to her. Then you secretly have your needs fulfilled somewhere else, that's only if both of you had tried sex with each other, cannot be satisfied, and can agree to this. That way no one will feel resentful, and say you tricked me into this marriage now I have to suffer no sex. By taking this step you are fooling the law, but realize you are also fooling your parents at the first place by marrying, because they can't accept you are gay, and have to fool themsleves into believing that their son is perfect. By getting married you are saying to yourself image in front of others is more important than accepting the real you. Your parents may never accept your sexuality so it's up to you how long you are willing to put on this show. When it comes to of a battle of your body and your family. Your body always wins.
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