A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me my gf have been going out for more than a year now we are living together. I don't think of my self as being a jealous or a controlling Bf.Her ex fuck buddy would text her every now and then for a chat. I have never like him contacting her because of the fact that she didn't tell me about him at the start of the relationship she said she just forgot about him, he was her last sexual partner between me n her ex (apart from a one night stands). And the fact that she was in love with him and he just used her for sex unnerve me. She think his just trying to be friends but I know men don't really stay friends unless they want something.Any time he contacts her it causes an argument between us. And know that she has still arranged to meet up with him. I don't mind her meeting up with her male friends or even her ex boyfriend. But I think this is one step too far. It doesn't help that she doesn't like me meeting up with one of my uni friends, who I have never even had any kind of sexual or romantic relationship with. WwwI'm I being unreasonable for being angry with her about this. Or am I just being jealous and over protective ?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 September 2012):
 I don't think you are being unreasonable either. What is her reason for meeting up with him? If she was nothing but a booty call to him and she knows it WHY would she even do this? I think it's indicative of maybe 3 things - she isn't over him and she wants to see if the spark is still there or she wants to let him "see" what he's missed by not dating her, and/or she is just not respecting your relationship. None of the options are good in my book.
I would sit her down and tell her how it makes you feel and ASK her how SHE would feel if you were to go meet some girl you screwed around with and that you had been madly in love with. If she is OK with that I think you need to tell her that you TRUST her to do what's right and then TRUST her to do just that. IF you try and go the "I forbid" route she might do it anyways out of spite.
I would NOT be happy with my partner doing this. But you also have to trust your partner.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 September 2012):
 I don't think you are being unreasonable either.
I could see if she was contacted by him once in a while by text or email and she replied.... but meeting with him IMO, is over the top.
Rules apply to both. either you both get to see your friends or neither of you do.
and In my personal world, contact with former FWB is NOT ALLOWED.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 September 2012):
 You are not being unreasonable, you are using logic.
If these two used to be fuck buddies and spent their time together in sexual activities, that must have left little space for deep , meaningful exchanges about the meaning of life, or the masterpieces of Russian literature, so why all this talking now ? Why all this sudden friendship, they weren't friends before ,they were sex partners. So, something does not quite add up here.
It would be maybe more normal if she had stayed friends with her EX- some people can do that, the strong feelings and attraction go away, but a basic compatibility remains , which makes further convos and exchanges pleasant and interesting for both.
But, an ex fuck buddy ? Excuse me, but, what have they got to talk about, the size of his d..k?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2012): To add on, after reading oldbag's comment: Does he know that you two are in a relationship? If he doesn't then that turns my answer around.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2012): Well, he's her ex sexual partner. It's along the same lines of contacting an ex. If you keep telling her off about it she'll probably want to talk to him about it, reeling him in closer. She could also just be taken back by this and want to do it despite your attempts. The human brain wants to do what it's told not to. I'd say let her stay in contact with him, calmly tell her your feelings about this but don't be too demabding of it. Keep a close eye, not stalkingly, on them but don't worry too much. Btw, there was a similar question early on and I believe it was about a lover contacting an ex.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (30 September 2012):
 Hi
Personally I dont think your over reacting at all, as you say,she was in love with him and he was just a FWB. He knows she's with you and I think by her responding to him and meeting him,shes giving out the wrong signals to him.He will assume he has a hold on her still.
I would make it clear your not happy,whether she listens and respects your views is another matter.Why not suggest you go with her when she meets him?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2012): Tough one... i think that you are being super open about this and not over-reacting as you consider it ok that she hangs out with other male-friends and he ex-boyfriend, where as she gets jealous when you meet up with female friends (with no sexual past). It's like she is holding a double standard (but i'm guessing she is not forbidding you to have friends of the female gender). Have you already discussed what you feel about this with her? If it's the case and she doesn't want cut contact with this former FWB that means that of you want to still be with her you need to learn to accept it and trust her that there isn't anything weird going on. I know this is hard to accept but your girlfriend is not someone you can control. if you really love her BUT she also shows you that she loves you, doesn't do anything fishy, and that you are her priority and otherwise everything is ok in the relationship then try to accept it. Maybe the contact with the former FWB (even if theres nothing sexual) is also something that will go away after a while. But i think that the more you try to control her, the more it will make her want to be in touch with the guy. However, if this is something that's really a deal breaker the best for both of you is to stop the relationship.
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