A
male
age
36-40,
*D24
writes:My girlfriend of 5.5 years just told me she wanted a break, but insisted it was nothing ive done, and she still loves me, she just needs space to take a step back and figure things out....what do i do? i have had no contact with her since "The Talk" what should i do in order to save this relationship???
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (23 October 2010):
 Said rules should be discussed between the both of you. Usually this is done at the start of the break. You both set the rules and purpose of the break.
A
male
reader, JD24 +, writes (22 October 2010):
JD24 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys...but i am a little confused for what the rules of this break are...Im pretty sure a break doesnt mean go out and see or hook up with other dudes, at least i didnt take it that way, i wasnt planning on going female hunting, how do i figure these guidelines out? when i am determined to not make contact with her until she contacts me, she is the one who needs space, not me
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (22 October 2010):
Excellent advice John Trenor.
Why she wanted the break is likely because you two have been together for so long. Most likely you are eachothers first real long term relationship. Often when you both mature together like you have, doubts about "what did I miss" start to creep into people's heads. Sometimes the break is to sort this out, maybe date around and decide if this is really the person I want to spend my life with.
Give her the space she needs. Don't get your hopes up for getting back together. I hope you set ground rules for the break, because if you didn't then it can pretty much be considered a break up. I'm sorry.
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A
male
reader, John Trenor +, writes (22 October 2010):
 Sounds very familiar. I think every guy has heard those words at some point in his life. Don't worry my friend, you're not alone.
You see, women are wonderful, but they do have their set of flaws (just like men have their own). You have to be aware of both their strengths and weaknesses.
When a woman says she needs time apart and does not speak with you for a while, it means she has lost interest in you. In most cases, it means that she has decided to move on, but may not even know it, or want to know it, herself. She won't say that she's "lost interest in you" directly because that's a depressing thing to think about someone she loves or has loved.
You shouldn't chase after her. If you really want her back, you have to do something that may feel counterintuitive: you have to start living your life to the fullest without her.
By doing so, 1) you will avoid putting burdensome pressure on her (a turn off) by seeking attention she may not want to give, and 2) you may catch her eye again and spark her interest in you.
Living your life and being interesting is the best solution in your situation. Especially if you have mutual friends, word about how great, confident, and fun you've become will make its way to your girlfriend's ears (but don't reach out to her directly, because she will see it as you trying too hard).
Be confident, fun, and interesting. Give her some time to think over what a fantastic guy she had.
Best of luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010): I am sorry for what has happened, you must be feeling quite confused. I don't think there is anything you can do really, apart from give her the space she has asked for. As hard as it may be, try and avoid contacting her. I know you may want to do something, anything to save the relationship, but if she has asked for space I think trying to force her to talk may make things worse.
Maybe after a month or so, if you have still heard nothing from her, you could contact her and ask if you could talk. If she seems reluctant to talk, I think you should try and tell her it is important, because you need to know where you stand. But until then, just let her have space, and try and carry on as best as you can. Once again, I am sorry for what has happened, I do not know why she may want space. Hopefully you will get some answers soon.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010): Is this a break that allows seeing other people, or not?
Don't just assume you both think the rules are the same about this without hearing her say it.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (22 October 2010):
You can't do a thing, because it's not you. It's her. All you can do is wait and see what her problem is. There is just nothing you can do, because it's not you.
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