A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:my gf of 9 years cheated on me and says she doesnt know why she did it, we have a 3yr old daughter together own a house, 2 vehicles and 2 buisness together. i feel very betrayed but how can i just up and leave with everything we have together. she says it was the biggest mistake of her life and she learned her lesson, she also says after all of this happened that she really appreciates me more then ever now. we have been engaged for 8 years and just havnt had the time tog et married now she wants tog et married and have another baby. what do i do ? im so confused , hurt and feel destroyed by this all.
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cheated on me, engaged Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): yes this is the first time she has ever cheated and she seems to really regret it. she said all she can do is prove herself to me now and show me how much she really loves me.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): Its not the size of the mans penis that's the issue: its her cheating.
Honestly, I don't know what else to tell u. You are living this nightmare. She is not!
Yep, I feel sorry for u and your kid. If you leave your gf you can still be a good dad. You have a right to feel angry, and betrayed and mistrusting of her. Is this the first time she cheated?
LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011): also its not like our sex life was messed up we have had sex everyday or everyother day since we have met 9 years ago, im in perfect health and nicely endowed. i am 6' 190lbs with almost 0 bodyfat. my endurance is crazy each time we have sex its like 45mins to 1.5hrs she has multiple orgasms everytime for the past 9 years. so she defintly wasnt cheating from lack of sex.she also said the guy was so small she coudnt even feel him, but how would i know if she was telling the truth. i honestly didnt feel a diffence while we were having sex its the same as it has always been. she said the first time she cheated was in january, then she told the guy she didnt feel it was right and asked him to leave her alone, then end of feburary he showed up again and thats when he started threatning her.then she told him to leave her alone again and he came back the end of march and then again the end of april that is when she had had enough and told him off. but he came back again end of may and thats when she gave him her cell and told him to call me to get it over with so she never had to see the guy again.that is when she called the state police and got them involved also.i am hurt and confused even after everything and i dont want to just up and leave everything i have built and also my daughter loves me to death i would never do anything to hurt her. please help me make the right decision. that is all the info i can possible give if you need more just ask me and ill reply.sincerly
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011): she said that he manipulated her into cheating the first time they did it, then she told him she made a huge mistake and didnt want to keep cheating, so she said he then threatened to tell me about it and then when i went after him he would press charges and he would have me put in jail. i am already going through a possesion charge atm for weed and if i caught a new charge i would be put away for a long time. she said he kept threating her to have sex 3 more times after the first then she coudlnt take it anymore and told him to call me to get it over with so she could get him out of her life for good, she also has the state troopers involved from him threatning her, and since this happened to her she has bought me an engagment ring , asked me to marry her and also got my name tatooed on her arm where everyone could see it. the baby is something i have wanted for a long time and she had her period after i found about the cheating so i know she is not pregnant from what has ahppned between her and the other guy. but atm she is still sayin she doesnt know why she cheated but that she knows she will never do it again, she says she cant put herself or me through something like that ever again.but it is what it is and i dont feel like i can truly belive her anymore.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 June 2011):
LoveGirl said exactly what I was thinking!
- Are you sure she's not pregnant and is trying to saddle you with the bill?
If nothing else, put off the marriage and the baby. Until she comes clean about what has happened here, and until she'd given you time and respect to come to terms with what has happened, you can't afford to make any larger commitments.
There is a reason she cheated. If she claims she doesn't know, either she's lying or she's not trying hard enough to fix this.
Also, I'd recommend relationship counselling, and perhaps some counselling privately for yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011): Whatever u do plse DO NOT now get married and have a baby. It will just make things worse.
Are u sure she is not pregnant already and trying to saddle u with someone else seed (just asking .....)
If she has no answers then how can u still commit to her with this uncertainty.
She is lieing when she tells u she doesn't know why she cheated.
Previously on DC, GrimmRealty (I think) used to say: u don't just trip and fall onto a penis. It makes sense. Just think about it. She cheated bec she wanted to and basically bec she could.
Don't know what else to tell u but u need to take it one day at a time. You have questions and well she needs to provide the answers.
"I don't know why" just doesn't cut it....
LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011): She is the one who should be racking her brain to understand why she did what she did. Not you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011):
We need more details. Who did she cheat with? How long did it go on? What is your definition of cheating? If she had a 3 year long affair with your brother then I'd dump her. If she got drunk and spent a night with her ex-boyfriend I might not.
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A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (9 June 2011):
 she doesn't know why she did it is a problem. if she can't understand her own motives or doesn't want to explain them to you then you have a problem. How do you know the person she was unfaithful with didn't dump her. I understand forgive and forget but i've also been burnt by forgive and forget. You have to work hard to get it right.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011): Mistake happens but if you learn a lesson from it, it is valuable. I was in the same situation 5 years ago but thank God I didn’t cheat. Just the thought, it was very close but somehow I was lucky that nothing happened. Now when I think about it, it freaks me out. I just ask myself why I was so stupid to even think about such a thing? No answer I really don’t know. It seems I was in a fog. It really woke me up, and it is impossible that such a thing happen to me again. If she knows what she has done and she really regret it just forgive her and NEVER mention that to her again. Can you do that? If you can I’m sure you will be fine. Think about your kid, your life and all you have together; Does it worth to ruin everything? Of course it doesn’t. Get marry if you can maybe that is one of the reasons for what happened. 8 years really is so long to stay engage! Good luck with your decision.
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