A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Recently my fiancee, girlfriend of over 3 years and best friend of god knows how long, told me it's over. Says she doesn't love me like she used to and she's 'tired of trying'.It's never been a simple relationship, when it started we were in seperate countries, she moved to be with me and could only find work a long way away. At the time my studies kept me away, so when the opportunity came I took a gap year before finishing my degree so I could spend more time with her, and once her contract ran out she moved once more to try and find work somewhere close to me. Once again it didn't work out and she ended up working only a little closer than before - we're talking about 250 miles.I think this distance would put a strain on any relationship but we kept going, we were too good together. And then bam. I won't pretend things were perfect, but they were the same when she initially moved away for work the first time - when I could only see her for a few days at a time. That can make things awkward sometimes. First time round things changed completely when I quit studying and spent more time with her - but she won't grant that opportunity now, says it's not the same.If she wanted to strip things down I could understand that. Call off the engagement and do whatever it takes to end this stupid cycle of living so far apart. I would do that. But instead she just says she can't do any of it anymore.What do I do? Some would say I just have to let it go I know, but that's a lot easier said than done and I really don't have the will to. She's been the best and most important part of my life for so long and, let's face it, it was all those years we took getting to know eachother and becoming great friends in the first place that made us being so close possible. And for all she says now, I know she loved me not all that long ago, maybe I'm being blind but I'd be surprised if she doesn't still, even if it's hard for her to realise. It's a lot to throw away.As you can tell from the fact I was in a situation to take a gap year, I'm young. Not that young but young nonetheless, she's a couple of years older. I realise that people wouldn't all say 'you'll get over it' if there wasn't some truth there but I also think they perhaps don't realise all we've been through together. We've both been there for eachother at extremely difficult times in the past and we've made some huge, life changing decisions for eachother even at our tender ages (early-mid 20s). Also it sounds stupid and selfish I know, but I was so deep in this - everything I've done and planned for in the last 3 or 4 years has been for a future with her. A future that apparently no longer exists. So what's left?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2010): update: she's now explained this is because she slept with a man more than 20 years older than her. twice her bloody age. he has two kids, an ex wife and a girlfriend yet she thinks she has a future with him. Jesus.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): Yes, I agree with DR Ski here, go and win her back!
I agree because if you don't get her back, you will regret it for your life someday. I'm telling this the truth because I've gone through this and I know your feelings. So think before you act, every move is important!
I'd tell you something here, sometimes, you don't understand what a women heart is thinking. What they say might not what they mean! So its up to you to judge their words.
In my opinion here, since you both had been together for a long time and with all the effort, I don't see that by saying this she wants to let go off everything. I'm sure deep down in her heart she still wants this relationship to go on. BUT, there might be a problem which is there. She had to say that to give up your relationship because of her problem. OR maybe there is something else.
Try to find time and have a nice talk to her, ask her what is her problem and you say you will try to help her solve it in any means. Just be brave, you need to show that you care for her in this way especially now.
Hope some of these would help you out.
Good Luck! Before act, think wisely!
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A
female
reader, Dr.Ski +, writes (2 August 2010):
i say that she is your longlife partner! DO NOT give up on her! keep trying too get her back, if you let her go, then you will have a cloud hanging over you for the rest of your single life, maybe even when your with someone else! Because if you do try, then at least you can say,'well yeah, i did try my hardest' but if you dont then all you can say is, 'i didnt try, so i will never get her back'. it might not be easy, but she sounds worth it too you! so go ahead and win her back! x
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