A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfriend have been going out for a few months now and I can safely say I really do love her and she told me everytime we were together that she loved me too. However ever since she started this new job she's been a bit depressed. She hates it; she hates it in pretty much every way possible there is to hate a job. She's talked about going to see a councillor or going for meditation; really all fields to deal with herself mentally.Her attitude since starting the job is definately more negative; we still would have fun and enjoy our company but overall she was not as happy as she used to be. Yesterday we met up and she apologised for not being romantic lately; and I asked her if we were ok; she told me that she wasn't sure and I asked her if this was her breaking up with me and she said yes.Needless to say Im a bit depressed from this; I reall do love her and the idea of waking up the next morning knowing Im not with her is saddening (didn't sleep last night).She has asked if we can be friends; to which I've told her I need time to think about this. I'm afraid of being friends because I do still love her and if we became friends; I'm almost certain that I would be sitting around hoping for us to be more than friends again.I mostly feel rather powerless. I feel like I should be able to do something to fix this but it just seems like I can't. I want to talk to her and see if we can work things out but it almost seems futile and I just don't know about the friend thing.Is there anything I can do to fix this? Or should I attempt to be friends despite my feelings for her?
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (18 August 2013):
 Perhaps you’re able to pin point the time of depression with her with starting this new job… However I believe there must be other issues that she’s not sure about to go backwards instead of forwards with you.
Since it’s only been a few months of knowing each other, everyone’s initialled to feel a bit reserved and change their mind if something’s not feeling right for them. You’re not to blame and it’s perfectly acceptable for her to back off as her way of fixing things, especially when she’s not handling her new job and talking about going for medication etc to deal with herself mentally…
Naturally you feel powerless, want to fix things and don’t like the idea of being friends when you still love her. But if you try to interfere, instead of exercising patience with her you may find yourself completely on the out with little hope for of being anything to her!?
I think you may have to just bite the bullet on this one and move on as there are other (mental) issues here at play :(
Take Care – Caring Aunty A
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2013): As a depressed compassionate person, if I meet someone that is in trouble, I'm not going to dismiss them; I think the big no no here is to ignore her or tell her you want nothing to do with her- if she THINKS you're abandoning her when she feels this hopeless and down, it will make things ten times worse.
My advice- you are a loving person and don't let her think that you don't CARE. You love her and want her to be alright, so how would you want to be treated in this situation? You don't want to feel alone or insupported or rejected. You send her a text and just say, you'll give her space and you care and if she really needs you she can come to you. Other than that you try and get on with your life...
Take care! Xx
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A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (18 August 2013):
 I take it it's not a possibility to leave her job? I guess you're torn between wanting to be there for her to help her through what she's going through, and your own wellbeing. I would say that if you don't think you can handle being her friend and being around her because of your feelings then don't. Don't feel at all obligated. You have to do what's right for you, as we all do. Put your own wellbeing and feelings first.
Maybe have a talk to her, and ask her if breaking up is really what she wants, and if it is then, gently, explain why you don't want to be friends.
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