A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I've been with my g/f for the last 18 months now in UK. All is great but I have an issue of her wanting to live in the UK when I want us to live in Oz. Seems that neither of us are willing to budge. Seems that she expects me to let go of everything (friends, family and livelihood) for the sake of her. Can see flipside to her felling that way too if she moved to Oz. Any advice?
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female
reader, HonestyAunt  +, writes (21 January 2009):
Not advice that you'll want to hear. If either of you make the move you will be giving up friends, family and livelihood. If she moved to Australia, seems that you'd be expecting her to let go of these things too, which you are aware of.
It looks like neither of you is willing to make such a sacrifice, which is understandable and sensible if you're not 100% sure, as it would be a huge sacrifice. If either of you did move, there would be total dependance on the other for emotional, social and at first monetary support, which in a relationship where you are not 100% certain (and you are not) is going to lead to rocky ground very quickly. Then, when this happens, one of you is going to be very trapped.
Why not first try a long distance relationship? Although this is going to be hard, it would be no worse than the above situation and wouldn't require one of you to give up everything. If it doesn't work out, you can know that neither would one of you immigrating, and you will save both yourselves alot of heartache. However you may be suprised and find that you are both willing to overcome whatever if takes to be together. But you should try this first. We don't always meet the right person at the right time, which is sad and hard, but the situation can only be accepted for what it is. Good luck
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 January 2009):
 Been there done that. I gave up my (really well paying job) my family (though I still talk/write to them) my friends( ditto), my day to day life for a life with my husband. He in turn gave up a lot for me as well, it wasn't one-sided for us.
I do at times regret that I am so far from home, I do at times resent it.
There is no easy way to figure out a problem like that. One thing would be for the two of you to take turns to try and spend for instants 6 months either place and see how it goes. If you both can't do that, then I don't think there is much of a future in your relationship.
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