A
female
age
30-35,
*ayyy111
writes:About a year ago I was just getting out of a 3 year drammatic relationship when I met this guy. We had mutual friends and instantly clicked, so after a few drinks one night we ended up hooking up. Neither wanted anything serious as he was getting out of a relationship as well. Continued to happen randomly for a few months when we happend to see eachother. One night I stupiditly brought around another guy not thinking he would care at all and he got upset and jelous. I appoligized and it kept happening on and off for another few months. One night we went back to his place and he told me he actually cared about me and it was weird bc he didn't usually care about anyone. This shocked me and I was speechless. He went home for 2 weeks for the holidays and I had time to think about what he had said and actually able to acknowlodge that there might be something there. He came back for new years and I was eegar to see him. We were eachothers new years kiss and I was excited to spend the night with him and tell him how I felt...when later that night I caught him kissing another girl. I was a little disapointed but not heartbroken, but I decided right there I wasn't playing games and was done. About a month later I start dating this guy, when the hookup buddy found out he isntantly confronted me about it... He made me feel bad about it and the minute my new bf was out of town or busy I would be back at my hookup buddies house. He would tell me how much he cared about me and hated that I had a bf and bla bla bla. Skip foward 2 months and I break it off with my boyfriend bc I relaize I migth be falling in love with my friend with benefits. When I ended things with my boyfriend and told my friend with benefits that I actually wanted to be with him he told me as much as he cared and has strong feelings for me he could never trust me after I cheated and he saw me in a different light... A few months have passed without speaking and we bumped into eachother and have spent the past 2 weekends having the most passionate sex... I spend the night, we cuddle, he tells me how georgous I am and he doesn't wanna sleep with anyone else and how much he cares but still is skeptical about the title of boyfriend and girlfriend ( he works out of town and is only here one night a week wich makes it difficult) I have totally fallen in love with this guy and am scared I'm in too deep...what do I do?
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female
reader, jayyy111 +, writes (19 November 2011):
jayyy111 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk its been a few months and we are still runninng around in circles. We have spent every weekend together for the past 6 months and it has been a rollercoster of ups and downs. We are now in an eclusive fwb relationship..but the trust is still not there at all! I want more but he doubts my feelings. Most of the time he is great, and i couldnt be happier he even is slowly breaking down the wall he seems to have up with me...but everytime we take a step forward, he gets scared and pushes me away when were good for too long! Oh and a new twist he is moving away in 5 months for work 6 hrs away... Its so frusterating bc i love him so much and dont know what to do to make him trust me and finally make this official! Ive tried a few times to get out of it but we both keep running right back to eachother. I know he cares now and its not about the sex, but how do i get him to acknowlodge the feelings we both know he has and let me in fully?!
A
female
reader, AlexSparky  +, writes (29 July 2011):
 listen honey.
sorry if i sound like an old lady there haha.
this FWB is not being a very good Friend... and it seems like he thinks he can go off and kiss girls but you have to stay faithful to him.
he's being controlling, and he's using emotions to control you. i really think you should cut it off with him. he made you feel bad for having other guys when you weren't even together, then he had another girl? NOOO. then he got you to cheat with him and made you feel bad for having a boyfriend!? NOOO! remember... if they'll cheat WITH you, theyll cheat ON you.
please remember to respect yourself and do what makes YOU happy, not him. i really don't think sticking around with him is a good idea.
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A
female
reader, jayyy111 +, writes (29 July 2011):
jayyy111 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm the question asker... And no when I got a new boyfriend I cheated on my boyfriend with my fwb ! Sorry for the confusion
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A
male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (29 July 2011):
 OK, things are confused here--or at least I don't get it. Why does your FWB think you "cheated"? First of all, you didn't cheat because you were not dating exclusively. Second of all, he was already kissing another girl, so he made it clear you were not exclusive.
It sounds like he is very confused. He wants you, but he doesn't want you.
You are right to be scared of get in too deep with this guy. He is playing games, with you and with himself. Unless you two can make a commitment to each other, then stop having sex with him unless you want to experience deep emotional pain and confusion.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2011): I was in exactly the same boat as you a couple of years ago, with the difference that my FWB and I were exclusive... Well, we agreed that as we weren't officially in a relationship, neither of us could insist that the other slept with no-one else, however, as luck would have it, neither of us did.
2 years on, we're married. It is very possible to fall in love with your FWB and nothing wrong with that, but the guilt at the casual nature of the origin of your relationship may come back to haunt you, which by the sounds of it has already happened. This guilt, and jealousy, will likely be far worse if one or both of you had "significant others" during your FWB period, I hope for your sakes you can put the past behind you.
Good luck.
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