A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone, I'm a 22 year old male, 6'2, I'm averaged size but a little bigger cuz of my height...built like Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger (haha, that probably isnt the best example at this point in time haha) and Ive gotten that way by losing 50lbs over the past year.I have dealt with being a chubby kid all my life, and High School was the worst 4 years Ive ever endured, gained alot of weight, had braces for 3.5/4 years and had really bad acne....in short, not attractive.Now obviously, there is some social diffusion with that, Im no Psych major, but ive taken enough classes and researched on my own to gather some insight. I didnt date, didnt have my first kiss till i was 20, still technically a card carrying member of the Virgin Club due to a few awkward and badly ending bedroom moments, and obviously that has now caused a fear in engaging in the activity despite wanting it, because like every guy, I dont want a poor or quick or awkward performance, and some will say well just do it not with the one you love but like a One Night stand, where it doesnt matter, but its like Spring Training...except sex to me is like bourbon whiskey....its not hard to obtain, and you can get general convience store brand crap a dime a dozen...its out there. Its not going to be great, but you'll get your fix. I on the other hand prefer a nice 25 year aged scotch thats very expensive and not widely distributed. Its harder to get, you are going to probably wait for it, but when you have it because of the emotional connection, its going to be savored.Layman's Terms: Im not the kind of guy who just wants to get into your pants and not call you again, Im not a bar/club/lounge type person, unless Im playing a show (im a musician). I dont even drink actually.So when i was younger, i was a fat ugly acne social inept teen who must have been in the bathroom when they gave all the guys the "guide to dating; your teens thru your 20's, a complete reference guide" so i never learned until about 20ish those social ingenuities that you learn at 15. I saw this all BEFORE because NOW im average sized, pretty decent looking actually, I have morals and integrity, i speak with articulation...and ohh yeah, Im pretty damn decent musician as well and I front, yes that means the lead singer, of a local rock band, and in a group setting ive learned to adjust to those social interactions.basically if you've seen Ryan Reynolds' character in "Just Friends"....prime example of my turnaround.My question to everyone is, as a guy who is probably much better looking than he thinks he is, but wont make a move because he never learned how because he's a former fat guy, how do i "train" myself to become more socially smooth with women in flirting, dating and LTR's and less socially awkward? And, when sex does come up, how does someone in my circumstance address it? Now, I have had 2 girlfriends, but the first one was a hookup thru a work friend which didnt last long cuz i probably didnt make that important move, and my 2nd i met online, and im pretty sure that one ended because she wanted to be pleased and I was too busy being OCD and having an Analysis Paralysis Adrian Monk like issue about said pleasing and how to go about it.So that's it, I know its long but i figured I want to ask this particular detailed question just once. Also, I wanted to put in some comedy, because its not like Im going crazy or anything, but a general anonymous consensus would help my cause.And no if you wondered if im the nerdy type, no. I workout, play sports, shred on the guitar, lay the own tile in home DIY normal dude.Thanks, and go out and have an awesome day.
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acne, braces, flirt, met online, one night stand Reply to this Question
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female
reader, GettingHelp  +, writes (18 April 2010):
Relax
Join some clubs that you're interested in and don't try to be smooth. Most women either completely distrust "smooth" guys or are in it because the lies make them feel good. either way I don't think you want to be a smooth guy.
The truth of the matter is nobody ever really knows what is going on or what to. It's so easy from a third person perspective, but when you are there, in the moment it is the same for everybody- you are left floundering in adrenalin and haven't a clue what to do.
Don't worry - act confident. You don't have to feel confident, just act it and eventually you'll feel it. Take this from a drama student/public speaker/timid girl who just turned her life around by acting confident.
Most people will be in total awe of you if you have the balls to appear confident - because another one of life's little truths is nobody knows what is going through your mind in the moment, they don't know how awkward, shy and un-confident you feel on the inside. Fake it 'til you make it :)
If you're *you* and you're honest (maybe a little more confident perhaps) you'll have people in awe and the woman meant for you will fall in love with *you* and you won't just have sex with her - (I know this sounds corny) you'll make love to her. And it will be that extra rare, super refined, extra expensive bottle of whiskey with some fireworks on the side.
When you trust someone - that's when you can have totally un-awkward sex with them and it'll be natural.
All of this sex stuff is part of nature and if you let it come to you naturally - it will. Relax and enjoy the ride :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2010): try a dating site like www.plentyoffish.com
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A
male
reader, Flyguymyeye  +, writes (18 April 2010):
Wow, you over think things!!
Stop focusing on the end game, ask a few girls out and let things happen naturally, you have nothing to worry about. It's not a contest.
Ps, you may wish to hold back on telling them how great you are and let them find out for themselves.
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (18 April 2010):
 Look up articles and videos...such as " How to flirt with a girl" "How to initiate a conversation" etc. Watch movies too.As for the sex part..practice.watch a lot of porn online,read books,go on specific forums and ask girls about their experiences etc.And the last part...let it go.when ur with a girl,focus on enjoying her company and do not think of the future. "omg what will happen when we become lovers"....It will come naturally. P.S Practice with condoms as well.It will be a turn off if you don't know how to put it on,or if you lose your erection.
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