A
female
age
30-35,
*eachForTheSky
writes:I don't know what to do. My boyfriend and I had to break up (my family forced it) So now we are just hanging out as friends. But the other day it turned into more (oral) and we've become friends with benefits. We've also sexted a few times. I still have feelings for him obviously, and im pretty sure he still has feelings for me. (it hasn't been long since we broke up, maybe 2 weeks) He's complimented me (saying i look like a model out of nowhere) and still txts me just to talk. Since we can't be together im ok with the FWB option, since its not just hooking up for sex.However, it feels different. We're not dating so no handholding n stuff which is fine. The thing i miss the most is he doesn't pull me in, kiss me, and pick me up, or text me saying "i want you" anymore, things like that. I don't get it, to me those things would still continue, esp the txts, bc they are mostly sexy things he used to do to get me in the mood. Now why has he stopped? Is that something a guy would only do to a girlfriend? Should i ask him about it? This is also his first FWB relationship, as is mine, so i don't know how it normally is. He says he still wants me and finds me sexy, but usually after i ask/imply. What is going on??
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broke up, friend with benefits, in the mood, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 April 2011):
 He does not like keeping secrets... so I take it that your FWB arrangement is /was public knowledge ?
No ? So, he cannot date secretly, but he can have a tryst secretly.
Faulty logic here - proceed with caution.
A
female
reader, ReachForTheSky +, writes (1 April 2011):
ReachForTheSky is verified as being by the original poster of the question We agreed that we are the only people we're seeing, FWB or otherwise. So it is still an exclusive relationship. My family doesn't know about us being FWB. I would still date him but he doesn't like keeping secrets and he views dating as something that involves the family too. So i don't think he'd really like dating secretly and I'm nervous to ask. We're taking a break from sexting n being together to figure out where we are in our relationship. Oh, and my family has some control over our relationship bc im still living at home while going to college for financial reasons n they threatened to kick me out. So when i want to see him i have to hide it.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 April 2011):
 FWB IS just hooking up for sex. Don't fool yourself. What I don't understand is why you had to break up with him? Your family isn't ok with you and him being a couple, but you and him being FWB is OK? I don't think so. If you broke up because of family you can't have him as a FWB either.
Or you can stop caring what your family thinks and have him as your boyfriend anyway, having him as a FWB doesn't make it much different, except now he doesn't treat you with as much respect as he would a girlfriend.
I don't know your ex, but Im thinking he might just be using you for sex since the texts and intimacy disappeared and he has changed his behaviour towards you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (1 April 2011):
What's happening ? Collateral effect of FWB. Sex with no frills no fantasy and no intimacy.
Now he does not have to "put you in the mood" or to build up naughty anticipation. The flirting and seduction game IS part of a relationship, and a part that can be disposed of for FWBs. Now,it's gonna be simple and basic : when he is in the mood , he'll call you. If you are in the mood too, you'll get it on. If not- next, he'll just call soebody else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2011): Being FWB's means he doesn't have to sweet talk you or be affectionate anymore. Your just his fuck buddy now nothing more.
You agreed to be FWB's and that's how it works. It's cold hard sex and nothing more. No love, no affection none of that. If you want any of that then start being boyfriend and girlfriend again. I mean your family don't have to know do they? You're still having sex with him after all, so why not just be boyfriend/girlfriend behind their back instead?
Just so you know, he's free to go off and date other people too. If he's acting this cold towards you then that's a distinct possibility too.
OP he doesn't have to chase you anymore or put in any effort because your his "sex on a plate". When we guys get it that easy we don't bother putting in any effort because we don't have to.
You say you're fine with FWB's but your not and you're going to get hurt. Because what you really want is him as your boyfriend and the only thing that's stopping you doing that is you. You're still seeing him OP, so what your family thinks doesn't matter.
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