A
female
age
36-40,
*lifton
writes:I really need help. Please, I'm so lost.I love my girlfriend so much it hurts. But I'm at my wits end. We've been through so much together, including her cheating and us working through it, to us breaking up and her moving out, and then deciding to try to stay together and just live seperately. But it genuinely feels like it's one thing after another with us.Well recently, she's started avoiding me. Making plans with all of her other friends and blowing me off, etc. At first I just thought it was in my own head, and when I would ask her, she would deny it. She would just say not to worry, and I would believe her. But it's gotten to a point where it's really blatant, and it's very upsetting to me. So tonight I really told her how serious I was about how it's making me feel, and she finally admitted she has been avoiding me. She said that she's depressed living out here alone and that we fight all the time, and her job's stressful. So when she goes home at night, all she wants to do is just lay down and go to sleep. But where does that leave me? I mean, my girlfriend just openly admitted she doesn't want to be around me. She keeps insisting she still wants to be together and loves me, she's just having a hard time. But her actions are killing me and I don't know how long I can take it. Especially with the trust issues i already have. I'm finding myself so upset, but not knowing what to do. I wonder if she's cheating on me, wants to leave me, doesn't love me anymore, etc. Or if she genuinely is going throug a hard time. I feel like I'm going crazy. I don't want to leave her in a time of need if she's really having a hard time, but I also don't want to stick around and be the fool who allows myself to get played.Lastly, she told me all of this tonight only a few hours ago, but said she would call or text to say goodnight. Well, I never heard from her. She left me hanging, and it hurts so bad. I don't normally allow anyone to treat me badly, but I just don't know what to do or how to handle this, and I'm scared of handling it wrong. She's asked me to please be patient with her, but what if I'm being patient for someone who's just lying to me? Please help. I need rational, adult advice on how to handle this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2011): Female anon is right. This is bullshit, her heart really isn't in this. Who's the first person you can rely on and will turn to, to console you when things are tough? Your partner.
OP the fact that you're the last person she wants to talk to means you're relationship with her is her main problem. She doesn't want this anymore and she's with you for the wrong reasons, whether that's pity or she's too weak to let go, or you're just chasing hard enough that she's finding it impossible to leave.
Do the right thing by yourself and make the choice for her. End this, it's been over a long time but neither of you has been strong enough to walk away and both of you are miserable because of it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2011): Never mind what she says. If she was brave or confident enough to come right out and say what she meant she would have not have cheated on you and it wouldn't have taken this long to have this heart to heart conversation.
She's avoiding you because she finds being around you an effort. You want more from her than she truly feels comfortable giving. She doesn't want to be in this relationship anymore but she doesn't want to hurt your feelings and she doesn't want you making it hard for her to end it.
Do the decent and self respecting thing and end it yourself.
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