A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My friend is dating this guy. I knew him before they were dating but I knew her a few more years then him. Anyways, he is always complimenting me, calling me hot, calling me cute. You get the picture. I usually just ignore this. I have a boyfriend, we are happy together, and this other guy knows that. The thing is, he is always saying this kind of stuff when my friend is right there. She hears it and she doesn't care. Her philosophy is that he can look and say what he wants but he can't touch. This is really awkward to me and I don't know what to do in this situation. Help? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Horne +, writes (11 March 2009):
Having been through the same sort of thing, I have little patience for it. Back at the time it happened, I was nice, polite, didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings and it ended up causing me grief with my own girlfriend.
I'll still be polite. I still have no desire to hurt anyone's feelings, but when it is obvious and disconcerting, I just tell them to back off and stay off. It generally works pretty well. And if it doesn't, then I get rude.
People push as long as you let them. It is a sad fact of life that some folks will just because they can. If it bothers you, tell him and don't worry about being polite. You're not asking him to stop. You're telling him. Avoid weak words and phrases, things that sound like you're asking him or putting the onus upon him to make a decision to stop. Just tell him. Up front. Straight. If that doesn't work, tell your friend. And if that doesn't work, you have two friends who don't care enough about you to stop making you uncomfortable.
I'm not sure how high that ranks in your estimation of friendship, but it's not very high in mine.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): Tell him he is bothering you. Tell him he is disrespecting his girl, and YOUR BOYFRIEND, as well as you if it truly makes you uncomfortable. I have been in a similar situation years ago. It is very uncomfortable.
Once you tell him to stop with the compliments...if he doesn't comply, maybe your boyfriend should tell him to back off! Unless you think that would make matters worse! If you think talking to your boyfreind about it will blow things out of proportion, then...just talk to him directly. If necessary right in front of his girlfriend! Let them both know you are uncomfortable with the attention!
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