A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I am a 16 year old girl. I admit that I smoke, I occasionally go out at the weekend and get drunk, and I have taken pills about 3 times in my life (but legal highs). And I have had a few boyfriends. I have, however, never had sex or done illegal drugs or weed or anything like that.Basically, my two best friends of 5 years are saying that unless I change, they refuse to be friends with me. They say I am 'reckless' and 'boy mad'. However, both of them are the kind of people that would never dream of getting drunk, they don't go out much at weekends, they're not that interested in boys etc. Which is fine with me.But the thing is, what they are saying is totally untrue and blown out of proportion. They make it sound like I am out of control, some alcoholic junkie who is wasting her life. However in reality, I only do these 'bad things' occasionally. I still focus on schoolwork, I have just finished my GCSE's, and I am going back to sixth form next year, but still looking for a part time job. I admit that recently I may have seemed boy obsessed, because I got totally hung up on a guy who ended up breaking my heart. So yes I have been talking about him alot. However, he isn't ALL I talk about, I've talked about him less recently anyway because I'm slowly moving on. And besides I would of thought they would be more understanding...best friends are meant to be for you at times like that right? I know there is more to life than guys either way. They also say they hate it because I'm not as childlike and immature as I used to be, as in the way I act, my sense of humour etc. However...isn't that called growing up? There is still a massive kid in me, but everyone has to grow up in some ways eventually. Basically, they want me to change because they don't understand why I do these things just because they don't want to. They refuse to accept that people have different views on things. I am totally fine with doing things we all love, and I don't expect them to do the things I do. We always seemed to get on well, and I don't understand why what I do in my free time affects the friendship. They say they are just concerned, but there is no need for concern, as I am really nowhere near as bad as they make me sound. Most teens go out and do the odd thing, and from what I can make out, many are tonnes worse than me.So do you think they are being unfair and narrow minded? Possibly jealous because their parents won't give them very much freedom atall? (Both of their parents are the very strict over protective types). Or should I change for them? And before you say it, no I do not think I am mature because I go out and do these things. I know it doesn't make me grown up or cool. I think I am more mature than they are, but in the sense that I am developing as a person whereas they don't want to change atall. And I accept that people have different views on things. Please don't judge me on what I do, as that was not the point...I am not saying it is good or bad or right or wrong. The point is that I need advice as to what I should do about my 'friends'.Thanks for reading all this and thanks in advance for your answers (:
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alcoholic, best friend, drugs, drunk, immature, jealous Reply to this Question
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female
reader, poppysecrets +, writes (19 June 2009):
Hey there :)
You sound a lot like me and soo many other 16 year olds as that is what the majority of us do! We smoke, we get drunk, we have sex and we may dabble in drugs. It's called experimenting and it sounds to me like your friends aren't the experimental type but fair enough that's their choice. However, what they have to realise that it's your choice to do whatever YOU want to do too.
So my advice is that you should explain to them how you feel and about it being your choice (if you haven't already) and also you could try hanging out with other people (easier said than done I know) but how about meeting some new people in your summer holidays before you go back into sixth form?
Hope this helps :)
Poppy x
A
female
reader, el Lori  +, writes (19 June 2009):
 Sometimes friends and I mean real friends the ones who have the ability to look you in the eye and tell you the truth is hard to come by. Sometimes friends do feel they can say the truth which sometimes is not always so nice to hear. If they really know you, they do tell you truth. Your friends are probably just looking out for you. They probably don't want to see you hurt. Most likely them threatning to end their friendship with you is showning they are really concerned and maybe you should cut back on the booze and boys. Sit down and have a talk with them. I have a friend that says the awful truth not what I want to hear but its what I need to hear and one time she did have to threaten me for me to get things straight. Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 June 2009):
 I think you have come to a point in your life where you might have matured further in some aspect then your friends. It happens. However, having friends like yours who are basically "good girls" is priceless in the long run, since they can help you to learn to be a better judge.
You are 16. Sorry, You shouldn't be drinking nor should you really do any kind of drugs.. Legal highs or whatever you call them. And you know it. Though getting drunk on occasion is fascinating, though it really is possible to hang out with friends and go to parties with out drinking alcohol. I do remember the teen years, and yeah I did drink on occasion. Heck we all did in my circle of friends. At least til the time came where a good friend got so drunk we had to call his parents and he got his stomach pumped.. scary shit.
Being boy crazy at 16 happens to some girls. Others have other foci's. Life is not just about drinking and dating boys. Don't build your life around that.
The thing about friends is, some you have for life, others you have through stages of your life. It's going to be hard for you, because you want to grow up in a different rate then them. They aren't ready for all that you are doing right now. To them is might seems kinda out of control. You should talk to them. They are looking out for you. Even if they might seem a tad overprotective of you. That, is what friends do.
If you are lucky, they will listen to you. They will see that you are still you.
I'm 40 now and I still have friends I knew when we wore diapers. Some I didn't meet til university, some later on. Funny thing is, the ones from WAY back are still the ones I love and trust the most. We have done some really stupid stuff together, one way or another. One day.. our kids will do that too.
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