A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:It's been a long while since having to deal with this type of issue, but I feel that one of my 'friends' isn't too much of a good friend! Have noticed in more recent time that she somewhat seems to like playing on my insecurities! Through habit and subconscious conditioning, I'll sometimes say something self-doubting without thinking about it... and then it seems that she will play on it! An example of this might be me saying I've gained weight back since coming off my holiday and felt more vulnerable in myself as a result... And, I had an argument with my boyfriend the other day and he's says I can be a bit 'x, y, z' sometimes', what's your opinion on this? And, I'm going out with work colleagues tomorrow night and everyone is going dressed up as 'such and such' themed, but I didn't get time to shop for the right outfit at short notice and it's playing on my mind... NOTE: these aren't real situations, but just example case senarios to the types I'm talking about. Have noticed that when these types of situations has arised, the person I'm referring to seems to like playing on my insecurities! It's not like she has directly come up to me and has said negative things of her own accord, but it does genuinely seem through pattern of behaviour, that she will play on my vulnerabilities whenever I feel unsure of myself, or vocalise something I'm uncertain about. Sure, maybe it could be said that I shouldn't say anything to her, but I believe that we all say stuff from time to time, without thinking about. I'm someone that has initially gone through a more unsupportive environment when initially growing up, etc! It's been a long time since surviving that now! And it's lot taken a lot of deep inner healing work to attract better life circumstances. Unfortunately, we don't completely eliminate all of our difficult life circumstances out of our conditioning, just like that. I feel that that 'friend' has noticed some of my more vulnerable habit patterns that I occasionally run without thinking about it, and then has played on that for her own reasons! No, I do NOT think she's jealous or anything like that... I just think that some people have more unhelpful ways to their nature/take joy in getting other peoples backs up, or what not! I'm aware that she doesn't feel great about everything that takes place in her life! She's a clever woman, through and I anticipate that she might be the type to play psychological head games if calling her out on her bs! I'm mindful that she may try to manipulate things from her point of view. I mistrust her and I won't be giving her anymore of my time if I can help it! She sometimes shows up in the same social environment that I do... but I did a good job yesterday of avoiding her for the most part. Just wanted to reach out here to gain a social perspective on my personal circumstances.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2023): We are not condemned to repeat the same mistakes.Some people believe that they are "cursed" and that they attract certan type sof negative poeple. That is NOT true. Through our conditioning (the environment we grew up in) we learned to tellerate or accept certain kinds of behavior! Some other poepe would blow away your so called friend a long time ago and her schemes and manipoulations wouldn't last long. Os she would notice that her ways o not work with these people and would have left. I'm not saying that she is doing allof this consciously. Most of the time it's a mix of automatic behaviors and conscious actions.But, what you're doing is a conscious action and good for you.You said it yourself, your mind is already made up:"I mistrust her and I won't be giving her anymore of my time if I can help it! She sometimes shows up in the same social environment that I do... but I did a good job yesterday of avoiding her for the most part."I would drop her gently, meaning that I would NOT talk to her about our relationship. I would be nice to her and I would never ever share anything with her. I wouldn't invite her to ay of my gatherings... in time she will detach and move on. I speak from experience of having to deal with a narcissist for over 30 years. I couldn't help it, family and all that. I saw what she was doing and had to accept it as I said for family reasons. You don't have to do anything. Btw, my "friend" never asked anything when I gently dropped her. Because she KNEW what was up and didn't want to have an honest conversation. But, in case your "friend" suddenly wants to talk, I'd keep it gentle too and NOT personal (lack of time, sometimes people grow apart...), because yoiu never know just how bad of a person she is and how far she would go to hurt you.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 October 2023):
 Instead of TESTING your friend, ASK her directly next times she gives a "dig" at you. Ask her to clarify. In a non-aggressive way. Play dumb and curious. THAT is what I would do.
If she then tries to gaslight, you or make it seem innocent, then you know.
If you, however, rather just dump this "friend", then DO that. You can all of a sudden be oh so busy and have no time for her. Take hours (or days) to reply to a text.
My guess is (and please don't take offense) is that you don't like her and you ready WAY more into her behavior than is there. You are analyzing her, looking for behavior that explains WHY she makes YOU feel unsure of yourself and vulnerable around her.
So maybe just cut her out of your life? If she doesn't add anything positive, then why waste time on this "friendship"?
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