A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, My friend, who is happily married with 3 kids, said she had a guy that she wanted me to meet. She thought he was amazing for me, he was single, no kids etc. She sent him my BlackBerry pin and he added me...I accepted and he also added me on facebook. We spoke on BlackBerry for a week...the first couple of nights were really late nights with chatting...until like 1am, we were talking...not on the phone but on messenger. We had each other's telephone number. Meanwhile....she is getting more excited about me and this guy, she keeps texting him asking him how we were going and if he was interested etc. About a week or so before he met me, his father passed away and his mom was not coping too well, so I know it was going to be a slow process. As the days went on, I found that our conversations got to be a lot less and am wondering if her interfering and pestering him about me caused this? It has been almost 3 weeks since we met....currently, if I don't text him...he does not text me first. We have spoken in person once....for the official meeting while she was there. He has told her that he thinks I am soooo cute and that I am so sweet and if he was looking for a relationship it would be me....but he is interested....what da heck does that mean? Sounds pretty confusing. Today was the first time that I did not message him, I figured you know what...this dude is so not interested or he is just not into me or this right now. He has not messaged me at all today.So I have questions -: Did my friend's interference with giving him the 3rd degree mess things up for me..( he is a really nice wonderful man by the way )Should I just give up on this and call it a day? I am not flirting or anything, it is just getting to you convo and it is only 3 weeks.Do I apologize to him...about my friend's grilling him and tell him that..I did not know she was doing that....which to be honest, I did not know until the messages started getting less.If nothing else, I want to be at least friends with this guy, he is a really cool person.P.S.....I am kind of peeved that he can't be man enough to come out and say if he likes me or not....smile.Thanks Aunties.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for your answers....I did not text him all day yesterday nor did I call him. He called me today...just to chit chat and ask me if I knew what it was like to work abroad etc...we spoke for over an hour.
But what I did realise was that he does have alot on his mind and that he has alot of decisions to make regarding supporting his mom etc. So I do appreciate his state of mind. So thanks everyone for your extremely good advice.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2011): I agree with tisha-1. Theres no way this man is looking for a girlfrirnd with all thats going on right now.
I think your friend was wrong to introduce you under false pretences as all he needs at the moment is an emotional comfort blanket to take the pain of greiving away.
If you want to be friends, then do as tish-1 says and send him a quick message saying your thinking of him and appreciate hes not in a very good place right now.
When he has come to terms with his greif he will come to you im sure.
When you lose someone close it takes a long time to accept that person gone - months even- i suspect the reason he has gone quiet is maybe because he just had the funeral? That may have shaken him up and he may just need a while to himself without everyone suffocating him and asking if hes ok all the time.
I wish you luck but please be patiant
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A
female
reader, kylieekristina  +, writes (3 June 2011):
 Ok first of all do not text him, don't give in girl, no matter how bad you want to. He's going through a tough time right now....it's very possible he hasn't even had the time to deciede how he feels about you with everything going on in his family life, and your friend texting him asking him questions, probally didn't help things, but if that alone ruined it....he's not worth it anyways. So my advice would be to back way way off.....give him some space. If you don't hear from him in four or five days go ahead and shoot him a text just checking on him and how things are going. See what kind of response you get. Does he answer right away, tell you he's glad to hear from you etc. He may just be the type of guy that doesn't know how to take the initiave to build something with a woman. If he acts funny i would go ahead and ask him if your friend made him feel funny or make assumptions that were not true, what can it hurt right? I'll say again, make sure you back off a bit because men tend to want things more when they feel like they have to work a bit for it. Don't make yourself too avaliable. Good Luck
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 June 2011):
 Sweetheart, this man's father died less than a month ago and you are worried about whether he likes you or not? He's grieving. Give him some time to grieve and if you don't have the capability to have some patience in this regard, maybe you need to just stop worrying about him. I expect he'll contact you when he's able to.
A nice supportive thing to do would be to let him know, by phone, and then with a follow up text, is that you understand he's experienced a major loss (his father died!) and that you empathize and hope he's getting the support and care and love he needs at this time, one of the most difficult times of his life. How sad you are for him. How you hope he is coping well. That you will be there for him when he is feeling more able to join into regular everyday activities.
Then send a nice sympathy card and let him contact you when he's ready.
After that, tell your friend that you really like the guy and know he's going through a rough time; that you hope to hear from him when he's able to think about dating.
And after that, just let him be. You said you knew it was going to be a slow process. It's been 3 weeks, give a guy some time to grieve!
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