A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:First of all thanks to couple of people who replied to my problem yesterday. (boyfriend looking at other women)I was talking to a male friend about my problem with my boyfriend, and my male friend who is 64 years old turned around and said "well, you are very attractive, but you are neither pretty nor beautiful/stunning, and naturally your boyfriend will look at these stunning women, but he could get one of them but not be happy".I know I am not pretty nor beautiful but I did not need to hear this from my male friend. A simple you are attractive would have been sufficient.Am I too insensitive. this male friend also refers to his girl friend "she is not pretty but only attractive".I find this comments about either other women or myself a bit insulting. Why can he not just say you are attractive and leave at that.He now has made me feel miserable. Once he told me that only Oriental women are beautiful. I told him once that his comments about not beautiful/pretty/stunning only attractive is offensive to me. I do not need to be told that I am attractive but I do not need these comments about you are not this and that.,should I get over myself.I think my self esteem is now rocket bottom.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2011): In response to Scrytocry: Many thanks for taking time to read my article and responding to me. this friend initially asked me out on a date but I told him that I was not into older or younger guys (I like men around my age), (my mother is his age), do not get me wrong, some women may like older men, but I am not attracted to them. then he suggested that we become friends. I met him 2 years ago. I am pleased I did not go out with him in a romantic way, he is kind but is shallow when it comes to women's looks and age, one of his female friends has told him to look in the mirror at himself (I have not met this lady, he told me about her comment to him). I showed his girlfriend's picture to my friend as I think she is very pretty, all my friends males and females said that she is very pretty. Should we women look like models and actresses to be appreciated. why do men make us feel bad about ourselves? or do we allow them to? I am in some ways confident as I think for an middle aged lady, I have a nice figure, I have hour glassed figure, size 8, 155cm petite. In the shops young assistant admire my figure. have long thick hair, been told I look 10 years younger than my actual age. People do not believe that I have a 17 year old son.all said and done, yes I am not 20 anymore and not a model or actress, I thought inner beauty and personality were more important. I hate myself for even writing about myself. I need to get a grip on myself, I am not a teenager any more. when I was teenager I suffered from anoraxia, I was ill as I was not eating, now I do not weigh myself as my counselling has taught me to leave the scales alone.I started eating properly when I got pregnant. I have health problem now, that may be due to my self-infliction.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 March 2011):
 Well,maybe your self esteem was not that solid to begin with if you can be so upset by a casual comment.
Mind you, I agree that your friend has been unchivalrous and clumsy. I am of the school of thought that a guy should comment on a woman's looks only to compliment her- " if you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything ".
But still I would not take so seriously what he says because
- he is influenced by his own peculiar tastes, since he can only see Oriental women as beautiful
- he formulated in an awkward way a rather bland, innocuous concept : the eye is inevitably attracted to the exceptional and the unusual. While you are an attractive woman, you aren't so to an extent that would make you unusual. ( This is not an insult, because after all ,how many the exceptionally beautiful, stunning woman are ? One out of 1000 ? )
- last but not least , who is this guy , Clint Eastwood ?
Harrison Ford ? Richard Gere ? Some other mature male icon of extraordinary beauty and sex appeal ?.... I don't think so, I guess he is probably just another rather long in the teeth Average Joe, who, rather than rating your attractiveness , should worry about his fading or faded one. ( But : don' tell him that - it would be a cheap shot :)
Just, ignore his comments and in future don't bring up this subject ( or another similar ) with him again.
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A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (30 March 2011):
 Why does it matter to you what he says? That's the real question you need to ask yourself. He just sounds like an opinionated jerk. If it's not just you that he's that way with, then you shouldn't take it personally.
It is a bit insulting, but if he's giving an honest observation, then he simply lacks sense and tact, but at least he's being honest. Some people don't think before they speak. It doesn't excuse what they say, but it does explain it sometimes.
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