A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My friend of twenty years and I had a terrible falling out. Now two years later, she wants to rehash everything, but I don't. Leading up to the "break up," we had grown apart, but I was taken by surprise with her decision to end it (via email). After the initial hurt wore off, I re-examined our relationship and her character. I decided that she had never been a good friend and that I was better off without her. And it's true, I'm so much happier without her in my life. Now, I have stronger relationships with other old friends and wonderful new relationships with women I have met more recently. In fact, I have far more friends now than I ever have (which I don't see as a coincidence). While these relationships aren't as intimate as the one I had with her, they are far more fulfilling. I don't miss her at all. The problem is that she has reached out to our mutual friends (and we have several) with a sob story about how much she misses me. I've never discussed the details of the "break up" with our mutual friends, nor have I told them my opinion of her. They think we had a situational spat and have gently suggested that I give her a second chance. I'm not being stubborn. I really have no respect for this woman. I see her sob story about how much she misses me as yet another power play. (Note, she's never reached out directly to me, not that it would make any difference.)I don't want to have to think about her or to have to defend my decision to remain distant. It hasn't been too much of an issue even with our mutual friends because we all live in different cities. The big problem is that one of our friends is getting married this December. We will both be at the wedding. I don't want this drama to harm my friend's wedding and of course, I'll be polite as necessary. But I'm worried about compromising my resolve to keep her out of my life. Please advise!
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (13 August 2012):
 I agree with kc's second option as well.
Do you mean defend your decision to her or mutual, well intentioned friends? The answer to that is easy, simply don't discuss it. Most people will follow your lead and if you don't volunteer any information you probably won't have to answer any uncomfortable questions.
If anyone (not realising the history) asks if you and she still keep in touch, you just say 'No, we don't.' then ask them questions about themselves. How are their kids? Are they still in such and such line of work? That sort of thing. If anyone is bold or crass enough to ask why you and she don't speak, 'We just don't' is your answer and again move on. Polite, upbeat, but firm even if it means a few seconds of awkward silence.
I think everything will be fine.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would never go for option 1. The reason I'm asking the question is because I don't want any further drama with this woman.
And believe me, she'd take any email and would run with it.
What I'm worried about isn't a big scene, we're mature women. No, I'm worried that she'll put on an act about how much she misses the way things were and will make me look like a jerk.
Basically, I don't want to talk to her at all beyond the very basic pleasantries that one is obligated to say....so I guess I'll go with option two and hope for the best. That was the plan, but I'm just worried about the whole thing.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (13 August 2012):
 I whole-heartedly agree with k_c100, and also agree that number 2 is your better option. I couldn't have laid it out better, and so I won't try. Excellent advice. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (13 August 2012):
 I think you have 2 options really -
1. Send her an email to explain that there is no hope of rebuilding this friendship and you have moved on, but you hope that for the sake of the wedding in December you will be able to be civil to each other and not cause any drama. Ask her to email you if she needs to talk about anything so you can clear the air before the wedding, so you wont end up having an alcohol fueled rant at each other at the wedding.
2. Leave it be and see what happens at the wedding. After all, she wont want to ruin the wedding either so chances are she is not going to kick up a fuss. And if she does, you can always quickly move away into another room where no-one can see what is going on. That way you will simply be civil to each other at the wedding but wont have to talk much.
If I were you I would go with option 2 and leave it be, it is unlikely she is going to cause problems at the wedding over this so you havent got an issue really. And if she is stupid enough to choose the wedding as an appropriate time to confront you, well take her into another room and let her have her say.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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