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female
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*arried but lonely
writes: I hope this is for real. I'm desperate for advice! My husband and I have been together 4 years and suddenly: "no sex". He never caresses or kisses me. I have tried to ignore it when we do try and he can't keep it up but the last time I felt cheap and betrayed. Don't know why! I try to stay looking good, be attentive, all the things that a wife is supposed to do, but nothing. I could go on and on. Please help!
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (9 October 2005):
 Any chance that your husband is having erectile problems? That sort of embarrassment can put the knocker on any sort of intimacy, because he may be afraid that kisses and caresses could lead to sex... and if he's having difficulty maintaining an erection, he could be avoiding everything to do with sex.
You might speak to your husband and try to schedule a general check-up for him - or even a visit to a urologist - to see if there is an organic basis for his lack in interest in sex.
The two of you *do* need to talk about this, so that you can understand what's causing the problem and help him work on a solution. I suggest that you need to bring this up, somewhere outside of the bedroom, and in a non-confrontational way. Explain that you want to share the intimacy with him again, and that you want to know that he finds you attractive.
As the other reply suggests, he could be going through a bad patch in his life in other ways, too. For example, stress at work, or the loss of a job, or worries about getting older, etc. It's also not impossible that he's carrying on an affair, but unless you have something firm to base that concern on, I'd consider that less likely than stress or "man problems". Try to talk with him and find out what *he* thinks the problem is.
A
female
reader, missdee +, writes (9 October 2005):
There could be several reasons why your man is acting like he is. I would suggest communication first. Have you told him how this makes you feel?? Have you tried coming on to him?? Just looking attractive sometimes is not enough. Your man could be going through a mid life thing, or having an affair, or just have a lot on his mind. Hard to say without hearing his side of things. Talk to him. Ask him why, then watch his actions. Then we can help you better.
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