A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a girl for about 3 months and things are starting to get serious. We just started referring to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. A few days ago, I was looking at an adult video site and noticed a newly uploaded video was of a girl that looks like her. There was another site mentioned, so I checked and found several other videos and have very little doubt in my mind that it is her. I am not angry about the videos being made because as far as I can tell the videos were made a few years ago but am not happy that my girlfriend having sex with another guy is all over the internet. I first met her about 6 months ago so I assume the videos are of her and her previous boyfriend, so it is not like she cheated. We both have mentioned to each other that we watch porn so her knowing I look at sites is not issue and vice versa. I don’t consider this a reason to break up with her but I have been thinking about telling her but not sure if I should. Since the relationship is new and don't know a lot about her past, I am not sure if I should bring it up or not. I am very open and honest person but there are things in my past that she probably wouldn't approve of and not sure if I would ever tell her. I don't want to judge her on things she did in her past just as I wouldn't want her to judge me. Her making a video does not shock me because she has asked me if I like being video taped having sex which is not something I am into. In the video she adjusts the camera, so I know she knows it exists but not sure if she knows it is on the internet. I am in my mid-30s and she is in her early 20s. She is European and I am American so she is definitely more adventurous than me when it comes to sex. So, should I tell her?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 April 2012):
 This is what happens when people communicate instead of guess:) I'm GLAD you talked with her and got to the bottom of this.
Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello,
Thank you for all the wonderful advice. Sorry for taking so long to reply.
I did tell my girlfriend about the videos and as it turned out it wasn't her, but she was amazed how much the girl in the video did look like her. She thinks it could be her 1/2 sister whom she has never met. She has heard they look alike and are only a few years apart in age.
Anyways, telling her was the best thing and we laugh about it today. Everything is going great with the relationship also.
Thanks again.
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A
male
reader, SonOfMan  +, writes (5 January 2012):
 Yes - I would certainly tell her. If you approach it in an open and honest way you shouldn't have to worry about it. Then you can see what her reaction is and take it from there.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 January 2012):
I would tell her. She obviously isn't going to be mad that you surfed porn so you have nothing to hide. She might not even know they are out there, so yea, tell her.
My husband's ex sold some dirty picture the two of them made when they were together, they ended up on some sleazy porn site without his knowledge and I tell you, it was a nightmare to get them down. But worth the money it took.
When you make dirty movies or take dirty pictures you just never know where they end up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): I don't see any reason why you wouldn't tell her. She most likely knows they're online and probably doesn't care. I mean any girl who has made videos with their ex has to know they're going to be online at some point.
Just tell her you saw them and don't make a big deal out of it. You don't mind, tell her you don't mind and that's that really.
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A
female
reader, WrongorRight  +, writes (4 January 2012):
 Maybe bring it up casually in conversation. If you don't want it to have a big effect on your relationship and you don't want any arguments then not making a big deal out of it is the best way to go about it. I think you should let her know you've seen them and tell her straight away it doesn't bother you. But this will escalate into something bigger if you don't say something. Considering it's the start of your relationship you shouldn't begin keeping secrets from each other.If you don't want to come out and say you've seen videos of her having sex maybe give her the chance to tell you. Bring up the subject again maybe ask her if she's into video recording sex and if she's ever done it etc. Then whilst on the subject, if she doesn't tell you anything you can bring it up that way. Hope this helped :)
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A
male
reader, DeadEyeDick +, writes (4 January 2012):
 Hey bro, you should absolutely tell her, especially if you truly do like her, she might have no clue some ex-boyfriend, that was jealous cause she dumped him or whatever the reason, got pissed and posted private videos they had made of making love, she may have known they existed, but may have NO!! idea that someone has posted them on the internet, I would look for this as also the reason she will give you when you do tell her about them, as she will no doubt be afraid that you will dump her after seeing them, bro I would sit her down, and preface it by telling her, how much you've gotten to love her lately, that her past is nothing that could effect your future, and that she has nothing to lose and everything to gain by being honest with you, then I would explain to her what your talking about, even go a step further and open up the site(i hope you bookmarked or downloaded the video in question)if it really is her(and bro that's a fucking shot in the dark)do you know how many videos go up on those sites everyday, not to mention how many actual sites there are? but on the off chance it is her, she can probably tell you who the guy is, and you can get a story from there, find out if he was bitter and angry after their split, you know, and if you are like me bro, and this is shear opinion for if you have my outlook on life, you could compliment her on her performance, compliment her body, tell her how hot she looks in the video, just totally languish her in adoring comments, to the point she isn't feeling anything but proud of the video, she will totally fall in love with you for how you handle this situation, and your relationship(seeing you really want one with her)could flourish out of the way you do or don't handle and deal with this entire scenario, definitely FOLLOWUP on this one bro, im even putting this under my watched list, im very anxious to know what comes of this, good luck bro!
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