A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im about to get married with my bf of 2years. Ours was a long distance relationship for a year as we are both working abroad. Communication had been constant, almost everyday we did get in touch. Never did i doubted my bf's love and sincerity especially when he proposed. It all started when i am starting to recieved anonymous messages coming from a guy who told me that his gf and my bf had an affair.I didnt believed it by then because i do know my bf had been so busy with his review as he was about to take up a board exam but i did confronted him about him and he denied all of it assuring me that he loves me. So i hold on to that and chose to believe him over the guy who told me about the affair.And just recently, i have found out that it was all true and that he had been having a secret affair as both of them are in a relationship and theyre keeping as purely physical as i am away. but they soon ended it back when i confronted him about it but even if it was in the past now i still feel betrayed about it. And whats worse was when i told him that i am no longer a virgin as you see virginity is quite highly regarded on our culture. But thats almost 4years ago long before i met him and was the only man ive slept with. So he was so disappointed when i told him about and it hurt me even more considering he had cheated on me and lied.Now i am having second thoughts on marrying him but felt bad as both our families were already looking forward to the marriage and that preparations were all set. Should i go on about it or not? Please help.
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affair, cheated on me, fiance, long distance, wedding Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2011): Again, thanks for all the honest and sincere responses.My only proof is the messages he has had with a male friend of his. And i told him about and he is so stubborn and stands by on his excuses. Told me, it was just a silly conversation as they were bragging about whos better than who. When asked if he cheated on me or if hed ever slep with another girl, he firmly answered me that he didnt and that he had been true to me, and that why do i always find ways for us to argue about. Part of me wanted to believe his excuses but my gut is telling me there's something amiss. And now he is acting like hes guilty as he hasn't been responding to my email after he called because i threatened him that I'll be calling off the wedding. At leasst i got even because the call he made just to talk to me cost him a fortune as he is onboard ship sailing through pacific and he has to use the telephone satelite signal.I know i will still be able to forgive him because i dont want to waste all what we had. A verry merry christmas to all and a happy new year!God speed.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (23 December 2011):
 what happens if 3 years after you get married he starts going out without you... and being secretive? will you trust him then that he's not having an affair?
if you think you can, then use that to help you make your decision.
I know that I never was able to trust my husband once I knew he was lying to me about things...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2011): You say you found out it's true. How do you know? You need to be sure of this before you make a decision. You could throw away a great love if it is rumor.
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A
female
reader, AngleHeart +, writes (22 December 2011):
 If I was you I wouldnt marry him! Your fiance cheated on you hun. If he truely loved you then he would of never of cheated on you. If he loved you he would only want you and no one else. This just means he wasnt the one for you and you should go look again. You will find him(:
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2011): Don't marry him!! Seriously, if he can't control himself and has cheated before marriage, he WILL cheat after marriage. Your fiance is a lying, cheating man and he doesn't respect you.
I'm not hear to hurt your feelings I'm just being honest. You'd have to be crazy to marry him. After just 2 years he's cheated, what will happen in 5, 10, 20?!
You deserve more than someone disrespecting and betraying you. I'm sure if your family knew they would be completely against the marriage too.
Don't marry him because of your family, marry him because YOU deep down 100% want to, and if YOU 100% deep down trust him.
Trust in a relationship and marriage is essential and he has broken it.
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A
female
reader, In.love.with.him +, writes (22 December 2011):
 None of use can make up your mind weather to do it or not.I think it would be best if you tell him to admit it cause you know it's the truth. If he doesn't want to confess then be honest with him about how you feel you should be aloud the truth cause he broke the trust not you. If still he doesn't want to confess but be positive that this proof you have is 100% accurate. This random guy could be lying plus how did he get your number? For all you know it could be some girl trying to break you two up out of jealousy and that doesn't mean he is cheating. If he doesn't want to confess tell him if it comes out later down the road when the opportunity to be honest came up then you may not know what you will do then. If he wants to sleep around so be it but don't cheat yourself by thinking this is ok in anyway.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2011): Thank you for your responses. You see i really love my fiancee so much that i am willing to take him back and start all over again. When i asked him how sacred marriage is for him and he answered that he viewed it as sacred and regarded it highly. He told me thats why it took him long to decide to get marry because he wanted to enjoy his youth and when i came into his life he wanted to to settle down as he has already had too much fun. And asked him one hand as to how he views sex and told me it is very essential. So i took it from there, why he cheated because out of sex and nothing more as we had been away for almost 2years now.
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A
female
reader, iiSparkle  +, writes (21 December 2011):
 Do you love him?
That is the question to answer.
He hurt you and betrayed you, there are no excuses for that.
It's understandable any girl would be hurt to find out their boyfriend of two years has cheated on them, but are you willing to forget so long as he promises not to do it again?
It might be a one off thing and that's it.
That's your decision to make.
Only you can decide what you want to do.
Talk to him and tell him that you're upset and ask him why he hurt you. If he can't give an honest answer, then he wasn't the guy you fell for.
Hope this gives some insight to your problem.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2011): You'll ALWAYS wonder what, who, where.... The trust was broken
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2011): No, do not go ahead with a wedding if there is cheating involved. It is a serious mistake.
Cheating is short term mistake in many ways, but marrying someone who is cheating has life long ramifications in many ways.
Forget what your families want, this is about your life, your married life, and nothing is better than a married life with someone you can trust.
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A
female
reader, Crazykatee +, writes (21 December 2011):
You will never trust him, if you get told hes cheating you will believe it, i would not marry this man!! He cheated, once a cheat always a cheat!! He had a affair how could you ever forgive him for tht? Marryin him will just make him think he can cheat and ul stay!! End it, i agree with the other person whos wrote on here!! You deserve better dont settle for second best!!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 December 2011):
Do not marry this man. He has cheated on you and hurt you. You can do better, and you should do better. To marry this man is to start on a life of unhappiness.
Leave this guy in the past.
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