A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my mum and dad have been married for about 18 years and recently things have been a bit awkward. they have been arguing quite a bit and my mum even told me a few weeks ago that she was getting fed up of my dad because i was upset and said that i was fed up of him because he always puts things off to do with me and isn't really there for me like other dads.i went on the computer downstairs and i only go on to print work off and my dad is the only one who uses that computer and i was looking for some thing and i found porn under the history which has got me really wound up and i don't know whether to tell my mum or what.my mum came home from the dentist the other week and she was upset because she has to have some teeth out and she says she feels unattractive and i don't want to upset her more with this.what should i do? Confront my dad? Tell my mum? what?please help me
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male
reader, curious-borg  +, writes (14 April 2011):
Leave it alone.Not your marriage.Work on your relationship with your dad.Your job is to love and honor your parents not to "help their marriage"Leave it alone, no good can come of this.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 April 2011):
 Sorry but it's not your concern. Men look at porn. Parents fight. Sadly kids get caught in the middle.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011): Finding your father watches porn will be a horrible discovery for you. But im afraid what hes doing is quite normal these days. If the porn titles included things about teenagers or young girls, you will probably be disturbed by that and start to think of him as a 'dirty old man' who has to be kept away from your girlfriends from now on. So im sorry you found his history. It gives you things to worry about that im sure you would prefer not to have to deal with. If your father is using the computer a lot and neglecting you and the family, he might have a problem. It could even be why your mum isnt very happy with him at the moment. Who knows, she might already know about his habit and not like it. Many couples really disagree about things like that. It could be why she talked of not feeling attractive after the dentist visit. Either way, their problems are their problems. Taking sides or telling on your father might not work out very well in the long run. It will make your father resent you and just make your mum feel even more unattractive. Instead why not tell your father to delete things in future because you saw his porn history. That will wake him up a bit. Then explain that your mum is feeling down and suggest he treats her to something nice, like a romantic meal ect. Try and do something that will help them build a bridge rather than add to their troubles.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (14 April 2011):
 Best to leave it alone... you know nothing about your parents marriage. What would you do if you found you mum's vibrator, whip and chains, run and tell daddy or pretend your deaf, dumb and blind.You have no idea what goes on inside the bedroom door. Maybe your mum likes naked girls and your dad is helping her out.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 April 2011):
 Honestly, if you feel a HUGE need to do anything I would tell your Dad to remember to delete his browser history, because you don't think your Mum would like to see that crap.
Other then that.. I'm sorry your Dad is a little useless. I would honestly ask him if he doesn't like/want to spend time with you. He might be thinking you don't want to spend time with him.
Your mom and dad seems to be stuck in the rut, but I don't think it's your job to sort that out.
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (14 April 2011):
I don't think you should tell your mum because your parents' sex life is none of your business. You don't know the details of their relationship so I don't think you should try and get involved. I can't see any other outcome than making more trouble for the pair of them. Moreover, the fact that your dad has put of doing various things with you probably has nothing to do with the porn. From your post it seems that you are annoyed with your dad; by telling your mum about the porn you will simply be stirring things up. If you have a particular problem with your dad not doing things with you then that is what you need to address with him, not what he chooses to look at on the computer.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011): You should definitely tell her. Its a really bad thing that your dad does this at his age..... urgh!
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A
male
reader, Starmonster888 +, writes (14 April 2011):
 No don't tell your mother, there are positive implications associated with that choice. All that would do is further complicate a delicate relationship.Confront him if you so wish.
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (14 April 2011):
 if you are going to tell your mum about your dads porn then think about what reason you are doing this for?
is it because you are annoyed at him and want him to be there for you? because showing your mum this will stir up trouble. i doubt it will improve things between him and you.
also what do you mean by "she was getting fed up of my dad because i was upset and said that i was fed up of him" ? are you saying that she is agreeing with you opinion or are you both fed up with him independently?
all i know is adding fuel to a fire isn't usually the best way to improve a situation
why dont you and her talk to him and prize him away from his pc (which he might be a little bit addicted to). tell him you need more of a reaction from him.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (14 April 2011):
 It would be best if you left well enough alone, I think. The arguing/tension between your parents is for them to work through/sort out. There does not appear to be any particular need to be a tattletale.
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