A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:okaii so ii have been dating "carlos" for almost 3 months now I have been hurt so many times in past relationships that its so hard for me to trust men at all but when i met "carlos" i felt that all changed but latley i just been having this feeling that mabey hes cheating theirs alot of people trying to get in my head and fill it up with lies im aware of that but it does really make me think yesterday i found a condom in his pocket and we dont use condoms he keeps telling me over and over he would never hurt me or break my heart but why do I feel like this? he to has also had his heart broken by his ex girlfriend she cheated on him with his best friend. I also understand that yes we are in a new relationship but I told him I loved him but he did not say it back anyone have advice on how to trust and let go of the past?
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female
reader, NurseBetty85 +, writes (19 January 2009):
 Hello,
Sorry for what you are going threw.
I have been there before with my Ex. I spent the weekend in his new apartment for the first time.
While he was sleeping I went in the bathroom and opened the medicene cabinet to get something...
Then packs of condoms fell out! Just like you, we have not use them in the whole 3 years of dating.
I can be wrong sweetie, but I think he's cheating. My ex got caught red handed. He ask me why did I go in the cabinet without asking. He give me the craziest story ever lol.
So you have to think to yourself and say why have condoms and we don't use any? The answer is right in front of you ..
I wish you the best..
NurseBetty85
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2009): Hello!
From my own experience I confirm that being with people who find it hard to trust because there ex cheated generally means there will be alot of jealousy and arguments because of the jealousy.
If you really want to make a go of this with him, you need to trust him (not blindly mind) - The fact he had a condom isn't worrying but perhaps the fact it was in his pocket might be? Most guys have at least one condom stashed away but I don't see someone carrying one around if you didn't need to use it.
I also can't help but notice you said people are trying to fill you head with lies?
What kind of lies? Are these people good friends? If they are it could be that they care about you and don't want to see you hurt. If not what reasons do they have to lie to you?
Its often easy to go into denial and quite often our gut instincts are correct. Have a long think about this and decide whether you want to trust him - Perhaps make a list about the reasons he has given you not to trust and the reasons he has given you to trust. Love isn't complete without trust.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2009): Well first of all, WHY don't you use condoms? You really, really, really should. Even in a committed relationship. Most people with STDs have no idea they have STDs, as many don't have obvious symptoms. People lie too of course, but most STDs are passed through mutual ignorance rather than one or two people's deception.
Anyway, just finding a condom is no guarantee he is cheating. He may have bought it, having realised that ANY uprotected sex has risks - even if not STDs, then pregnancy. While it's a 1 in 10,000 chance you'll get a really, really serious disease - and remember, that doesn't mean you only get something bad after 9,999 goes, that '1' COULD be the first '1'...
There's a 1 in 10 chance of full unprotected sex leading to pregnancy.
He may have been given it by a friend. He may have bought it in a nightclub toilet from a machine while drunk. He might be cheating. He might NOT be cheating but want to, and then you get into 'thought crime' realms. He might be thinking 'I don't want to cheat, but if I get too drunk and something happens, I want to be protected'. There are lots of reasons, and yes, it is a possibility, but only someone who knows him can say without a doubt, yes, he IS cheating.
It's something you have to discuss - not by telling him you found a condom, just generally.
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