A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hey Aunts and UnclesDo you think friends should be forgiven anything or is there a line you draw?one of my friends needed nursing (cancer) which I did whenever I had spare time I also cooked cleaned shopped did injections and slept over if she was worried.We all did what we could,we caredOne day she rang me,right angry and said 'we are done'. I had shared something re her situation with a mutual friend and it got back to her, nothing personal I just hadnt known how to cope with her that day and needed a 2nd opinion.now months later she is wanting to be friends again and getting others to relay messages to meI have said I dont want to get involved with the bitching and 2 face ways again and sorry but no Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): I had a situation with my cousin where for support she spoke to someone she about the stuff I was going through, it was something that I certainly didn't want anyone knowing, and when I found out I was hurt. While now I see that she simply confided in the wrong person for support, at the time I was hurt, embarrassed and felt extremely betrayed. I sent her a letter telling her how hurt I was and stopped all contact with her. Sometimes we are going through something so horrible that unfortunately we can't see what effect that is having on someone else who truly loves and cares about us. I can understand how you feel, after I had gotten into a place that could see what a cow I had been, and that she wasn't doing it to gossip about me but rather for support in order to be more supportive to me, I felt terrible and luckily she has forgiven me. If your truly friends, I would suggest you talk to her about how you felt with the situation, and listen to how she felt. It may have seemed that she didn;t appreciate what you did for her, but for myself I can say that no matter how betrayed I felt I appreciated everything my cousin did, even though I didn't know how to show it at the time. Things will never go back to the way it was between you, but forgivness is a very freeing experience for the person who is forgiving. I can't and wouldn't say you should do this or that, I just thought maybe my experience might help a little. I hope it has. Good Luck.
A
female
reader, cathysmith07  +, writes (28 March 2012):
 Forgive and forget it will set you free.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes i did contribute to the fall out by confiding in the mutual friend . i did state that it was to go no further but that friend rang another friend who then rang the woman who cut me out. so really it was my fault for trusting the wrong person/people n gettin to involved.
yes i did do to much for her but i lived closest so was easier for me to get there on her bad days. she was angry with the cancer and we all felt like nothing we did was enough. it wasnt isolated incident she was regularly bitching about whoever was not there its how she is.but we ignored it because of her illness I do forgive her now
but do not . now she is well want to get involved in all that again
THANK YOU for advice all of you it helped me see all sides n i have learnt alot
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A
female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (27 March 2012):
Well in a way you did contribute to the falling out, by sharing personal information about her with someone else. yes it was done with good intentions (or at least neutral intentions) but in the end it obviously really, really hurt her feelings. So while you feel that she betrayed your trust by suddenly flipping out and cutting you off, she may feel that you betrayed her trust first. You were under a lot of emotional strain that day and had the need to talk to someone. But your friend was also under a lot of emotional strain (battling cancer) as well.
Now, months later, apparently she has calmed down and re-evaluated and wants to make amends. But you're still reeling from her freaking out at you, and with good reason.
I think that if this is the only thing that's come between you - as opposed to having a history of her flipping out at you out of the blue - then I think it's worth trying to mend the friendship. But, you have to go at your own pace, maybe ease back into it. Don't try to overnight go back to how close and "entangled" you used to be.
I would suggest that you agree to meet with your friend and just talk about what happened. Acknowledge your contribution to making her upset - maybe you should not have shared her personal information with a mutual friend but with one of your other friends whom she does not know. Or maybe you should have cut back on how much you were giving of yourself in her care if it was more than you could handle. either way, try to learn from that situation so it does not repeat again.
Even if you can never let your guard down completely around her again because you fear she might suddenly blow up out of the blue at you, that doesn't mean that you can't still be friends. You can still have some friendship but with new boundaries. And maybe from this she will learn to better communicate or handle her emotions when she is really upset at other people who are trying to help her.
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female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (27 March 2012):
 If you truly were friends then you should try to forgive her and realize she made a mistake for which she is sorry and wants a second chance. We all make mistakes hun, you, me, her, everyone does or said things we shouldn't one time or another. If her actions really hurt her then you should talk to her and try to get over what happened. Explain to her exactly how you felt. Try to avoid blame when you talk to her and make a lot of "I" statements..............."I feel/felt hurt by how easily you were willing to cut me off and forgot about everything good I did"......etc.
Hope everything works out in the end and you will both be able to forgive each other because real friendships are important and are not worth throwing away over misunderstandings:(
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (27 March 2012):
 Are you better off with her being your friend or are you better off without? Nobody needs to put up with a friend who brings them down. Only you can decide this.
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