A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is directed at ladies who have been cheated on or have divorced parents. In a very broad sense, it is for those ladies who have been "broken'. I understand you ladies have a general disdain and cynicism when it comes to dating. My question is, how do u deal with a new guy in your life who you are interested in and what is your reaction? What thoughts and feelings come to your mind?( The reason I ask this question is because it relates to the girl I am currently dating. She seems to be very closed up, but she will have little indicators here and there of interest...Other than that, most of the time she is pretty cold )I feel like there is a bitterness and subconcious hatred that will never go away.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionA general consensus is a distrust of new men and fear. From a guy's perspective, it seems like these kind of girls unintentionally force guys to put in way more effort than the amount required for a normal, happy girl.I'd rather not say certain things just to make her trust me, but i want to build her trust on my actions. After all, we are still in the "talking" stage and i barely just met her. However, I sense a great amount of progress and her interest level seems to be increasing, but at a extremely slow rate. At the same time, when we aren't together, she will respond to me in a very cold , unthoughtful mood. My guess is at those times she is keeping her emotions to herself.I've noticed that these these difficult, perplexing, cold, heartless women, who have gone through tons of pain and shed buckets of tears, attract more men. They are so hard to crack that it becomes a fun challenge for the men who enjoy a thrilling pursuit. Despite an overabundance of men, they reject 98% of them because of their own distrust of males and the pain males have caused them. My guess is that about 50% are guys trying to get into their pants, 30% are nice guys who she's not interested in, and 10% of them are amazing and genuine Mr. Rights who tried their damn hardest, saw no results, and moved on. In the end, they are left alone until they can actually truly get over the pain that has happened and move on.
A
female
reader, iloveblue  +, writes (23 September 2011):
 This is a question I would personally like to respond to as I can relate to it so much.Anyway, it was literally end of the world to me when I found out that my ex was cheating on me. He was my first serious boyfriend and I have always thought before that love never fades. He used to be crazy about me and after nearly a year, I found out he was seeing someone else for 5 months. From a very poised dominating girlfriend, I became this messy crazy girl whose life turned upside down. It took me 2 years to move on and in these 2 years, I saw him on and off. I was naive and don't know how to say to myself that it was over. I met a guy and that's when I finally stopped seeing and talking to my ex. It has been a year now.My life with my now current boyfriend is so much better, I could say that I am in a more matured relationship than my last one. Everything seems perfect, however, I have to be honest that there are days I get paranoid and I have this sudden fear that my boyfriend might cheat on me like the last one did. Believe me, I do not wish to be like this but the past have scarred me big time that I cannot stop applying it to my current relationship. I believe this is the psychological effect to persons who are victims of cheating. My fights with my boyfriend sometimes stem from baseless jealousy and sometimes he would at the end tell me that not all guys are like my ex. That he is not like him and he loves me and I am the only woman in his life.To be honest, his assurances are helping. But this is coupled with actions. I mean, i know and can see that he is trying his best as there are so many things he does that tells me he is faithful to me. He calls me constantly, sees me daily, I could open his mobile phone and laptop like they are mine too. Anything. Because of this, I feel I am recovering well from my painful past and can say now that I trust my boyfriend more than ever. And besides, I love this guy so much now that the last one is nothing compared to him.My advice: if you love your girlfriend, as others said, be understanding to her and be patient. Do not do anything that looks like you can be suspected of cheating. Don't hide your phone or text when she's infront of you. Be honest in everything that you say. And anyway, if you really love her, your actions will follow and she will see that. Always show her your love and before you know it, she has recovered.
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A
female
reader, Claraw1  +, writes (23 September 2011):
 I have been cheated on before and I tended to make the guy "work" to show me that he really wanted me and wasn't playing games with me. I wasn't exactly cruel just overly cautious, and sometimes that seemed cold. The thing is that it hurts and undermines the trust you have of others, but also of your own ability to judge the type of people we meet and come to care about. It may take some time for her to trust again, but with some patience and understanding, she will hopefully come around, but in the end it's up to her whether she can trust again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2011): I have been cheated on in both my long term relationships..at first I built a wall round me and treated any man who showed interest like dirt. I was a first class bitch.Didnt want to know.
Then I realised the only person I was really hurting was myself, decided to leave the past where it belonged,in the past,I met and lost some really decent men before I woke up to myself.
Now I view each one I meet with a clean sheet, it took time. In retrospect I maybe should have had counselling to help me get over the 2nd split,friends were great but I found it hard to discuss everything and I was busy getting on with building a future and caring for my children.
If your girl is bitter then maybe she's still raw from past experience. You need patience and to build trust, but its up to her in the end ...
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